bare jokes fam

[Matt-Rallye]

Whats red and sits in the corner?

A naughty strawberry.

[daniel909]

why was the washing machine laughing

because it took the piss out of knickers

[Hajman]

I went to the zoo the other day, it was rubbish... They just had one small dog in a cage.
It was a shitzhu

[Ican]

Following the huge amount of publicity generated by the celebrity nude photo's leak..

Katie Price has changed her password to 1234567

[RetroPug]

Why aren't there any headache tablets in the jungle?

Because the parrots ate 'em all.

[Grant]

Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

[Ican]

Breaking news, Joan Rivers has attempted the ice bucket challenge, but she slipped and kicked it instead.

[Jimbo]

Whats a porn stars favourite drink

7up in cider

[Ican]

And to think, they once told Oscar Pistorius he'd never walk.

[WiNgNuTz]

And to think, they once told Oscar Pistorius he'd never walk.

[impotentials]

And to think, they once told Oscar Pistorius he'd never walk.

Very on topic..

[impotentials]

A man dies and goes to heaven,
st peter offfers him a beautiful woman legs a kimbo.
he says you may stay here for eternity or climb the ladder to success.
The man chooses to climb the ladder. On the next level two beautiful women wait for him and again st peter offers him the same thing. Stay here or climb the ladder to success.
The man likes where this is heading so climbs once again.
on the next level there are three women and again the same question is asked.
stay here or climb the ladder to success. Again the man chooses to climb the ladder where he find a fat bald man with his wang out.
the man asks, what the hell is this?
the fat man replies

I'm sess!!!!

[Ican]

Oscar Pistorius.

Showing the Scottish people you can be free, even though you're usually legless and assaulting women.

[Toms306]

Two hookers standing on a street corner.
One says to the other 'have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?'
Other says 'No, but I've been swung round by the tits a few times'


Girl goes to the doctor complaining of a strawberry stuck up her arse...
...doctor says 'I've got some cream for that'

[THE_Liam]

When I saw the headline about Cliff Richard being accused of child abuse, I thought there'd been an accident at the seaside...

"Young boy tossed off Cliff"

[lolsteve]

Me and my mates were busy robbing this CD store when the cops turned up.

Dave grabbed all the pop CD's and ran off.
Steve grabbed the rock CD's and also ran off.
Dan grabbed the Jazz and followed suit.
I was forced to take the rap.

Thanks sicki

[RetroPug]

Me and my mates were busy robbing this CD store when the cops turned up.

Dave grabbed all the pop CD's and ran off.
Steve grabbed the rock CD's and also ran off.
Dan grabbed the Jazz and followed suit.
I was forced to take the rap.

Thanks sicki

This one's similar:

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

[Josh1994]

I heard about that..

[WiNgNuTz]

I heard about that..

Not sure you've got the jist of the thread there mate.

[tysonbully2k12]

why did humpty dumpty push his girlfriend of the wall?






... to see her crack

[Josh1994]

I heard about that..

Not sure you've got the jist of the thread there mate.

Crap, sorry just realised it now lol, but i swear i heard it on the news

[Ican]

An Irishman and Two British men walk into a bar...

[toseland]

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 59 and 60 degrees north latitude and between 107 and 108 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault