Time for a Fresh Start - Updated Page 3, Jan 2013

[Andy]

Just had my quarterly gas bill. £301 :/

Not cheap!

[Toms306]

Wow, thats a lot!

What is gas even used for? Just heating?

[Andy]

Well gas cookers would be a good bet and yes heating! And also yes... It is a bloody lot mate!

[Toms306]

Well gas cookers would be a good bet and yes heating! And also yes... It is a bloody lot mate!

Oh right, only ever seen a gas cooker on holiday in a caravan park lol. As said, theres no gas down here, all electric!

You should probably turn the thermostat down and stick on an extra jumper lol....

[Andy]

Nahh. Warm house ftmfw!

[Toms306]

Lol, luckily I like being cool (in terms of heat, clearly not the other type haha), about 17c on the climate control was comfortable for me.

[Kwik]

Jumper and slippers lol. means more can be spent on random car bits lol

[Toms306]

Jumper and slippers lol. means more can be spent on random car bits lol

Haha, exactly this........well, without the slippers, I'm not quite at that age yet.

[Kwik]

lol slippers are great indoor shoes. When the missus is in the heating gets whacked on straight away but when it's me on my ones no point heating up the house and when you walk into a cold room is horrible to feel it through your socks so slippers are essential

[burnmw]

Gas and elec bills for the last 3 months are:

Oct - £77
Nov - £113
Dec - £145

Remember, these AREN'T the three coldest months. That's a three bed semi where one of us is home most of the time, ergo the heating has been on a lot recently!

And yes Tom, gas is used for central heating/boiler/gas cooker. Ours is only used for central heating/boiler though as our cooker is electric.

WRT leaving a tenancy after a short period of time, I doubt that'd go down well. The entire point of the tenancy agreement is to guarantee the landlord a rent for that period.

[THE_Liam]

Jesus you guys pay a lot for gas, I pay £68 a month for gas and electric combined, but I work for a supplier so I can get advice on how to use the least gas for the most heat. If anyone's with BG I can get you a number for an advice team?

[Toms306]

Hmm, thats still quite a big place to heat I'm guessing Martin? And being a semi (lol... ) you dont get heat from anywhere else either. I might be completely wrong but I'd assume a flat surrounded by others would sort of share their heat as well, if that makes sense lol. My Dads been in 2 different small, 2 bed flats now and they're always boiling lol, yet he barely uses the heating as theres not often people at home (he works nights and his wife/stepson are out during the day).

Also forgot about a boiler using gas...we have an emmersion heater which is a terrible idea......basically it burns electric most of the night on the cheap(er) rate, and water is cold by about 3pm anyway! Along with the storage heaters that the place was built with (again, burn electric all night and are cold before tea time! Got rid of them now anyway, for oil filled plug in heaters) then it makes this place quite expensive for electricity, so gas might be more efficient.

---

Starting to think this might not be viable now tbh though, I'd have to be earning about a grand a month to keep it going and I guess thats not likely from p/t shelf stacking or something. Sigh...

[fuziduck]

Tom, haven't read most of the thread but, this may be difficult for you, but it might be worth trying a flatshare. At least with that people tend to keep themselves to themselves, which may be better than struggling to get on with your family, a lot of the young professional flat shares mean people are out nearly all day and only come home to sleep / eat!

Also immersion heaters are near enough the most efficient way of heating water at night time. It works out cheaper to heat hot water / underfloor heating with an immersion heater instead of oil. In the daytime its obviously a no no - hence the use of an oil fired boiler.

But free wood for a nice open fire ftmfw!!!

BTW uni gas & elec bill for Dec & January was £150. Unfortunately we have a housemate who is nearly always in the house and is forever turning the heating on and so I keep turning it off!!! Does my head in, put a jumper on!

[C.A.R.]

I'm dreading our first leccy bill for the new house, it has to be kept warm pretty much 24/7 because of Florence, unfortunately there are only so many layers of clothes you can put on a baby, then there's just the added risk that more layers = more washing when she inevitably yaks all over it (or worse!).

I think £1k a month is kind of a minimum just to cover your overheads, think about your food. I've no doubt I could live off of about £25 a week on my own, but that's still another £100 you have to find in a month.

Part time and moving out unfortunately don't go well together.

What is your business sense like? Is there any way you could make money using eBay or opening your own online shop?

[Toms306]

Tom, haven't read most of the thread but, this may be difficult for you, but it might be worth trying a flatshare. At least with that people tend to keep themselves to themselves, which may be better than struggling to get on with your family, a lot of the young professional flat shares mean people are out nearly all day and only come home to sleep / eat!

Also immersion heaters are near enough the most efficient way of heating water at night time. It works out cheaper to heat hot water / underfloor heating with an immersion heater instead of oil. In the daytime its obviously a no no - hence the use of an oil fired boiler.

But free wood for a nice open fire ftmfw!!!

BTW uni gas & elec bill for Dec & January was £150. Unfortunately we have a housemate who is nearly always in the house and is forever turning the heating on and so I keep turning it off!!! Does my head in, put a jumper on!

Nice idea but flat share wouldn't work unless I had my own bathroom and kitchen. Then thats not much of a 'share' anymore lol. Mornigns and evenings when people are at home are the worst parts anyway.

I'm dreading our first leccy bill for the new house, it has to be kept warm pretty much 24/7 because of Florence, unfortunately there are only so many layers of clothes you can put on a baby, then there's just the added risk that more layers = more washing when she inevitably yaks all over it (or worse!).

I think £1k a month is kind of a minimum just to cover your overheads, think about your food. I've no doubt I could live off of about £25 a week on my own, but that's still another £100 you have to find in a month.

Part time and moving out unfortunately don't go well together.

What is your business sense like? Is there any way you could make money using eBay or opening your own online shop?

I think a grand a month should cover me for rent, shopping (food/bog roll/cleaning fluids), council tax, insurance, bills and fuel. Wouldnt allow for any extra things or savings, but I wouldn't expect those anyway when I'd just moved. Food is about £20 a week, I buy that now anyway. And I've managed to really cut down on driving/fuel, looks like I'll get a month from this tank which is twice as much as normal.

I realise p/t and moving out don't go well. Not working and being stuck at home isn't exactly working out for me either though!! You probably cant even imagine how much I WANT to be normal like (the majority of) you guys and do a normal job every day and earn enough money to be able to move out without help.......but its just not gonna happen. Just getting through each day while I'm here is enough of an anxiety filled struggle, let alone attempting to work as well. It really does do my head in that I can't do these things that other people take for granted, but at the same time there isn't a lot I can do about it.

My buisness sense is about as good as my common sense, so yeah, lacking! I wouldn't even know how to go about running an online shop tbh, and I can use ebay, but again, wouldn't know how to make profit with it.

[C.A.R.]

Just came to me as I used to work for a chap who had severe IBS and you remind me of him. He couldn't do a normal job for similar reasons but fortunately he had financial backing (Jewish family - 'nuff said!) to help him start his own shop and online business. I'm glad to report that he got married recently and is living a normal life, so there is hope Tom!

Unfortunately the path forwards is becoming increasingly hard to see - not least because you're one of the most pessimistic people I've met - but it will get better.

You're used to forums so it may be worth looking up a forum to discuss your issues with people who may have experienced the same? Good way to make a few new friends potentially too. Good luck

[burnmw]

You're used to forums so it may be worth looking up a forum to discuss your issues with people who may have experienced the same? Good way to make a few new friends potentially too. Good luck

You'd think this'd be a good idea, but, it isn't. Unfortunately people who go through these things tend to be fairly pessimistic/depressed, so you tend to find things just become deep, dark and depressive.

And yes Tom, being a semi we only have one side warmed by someone else so the other three sides are constantly exposed. Having said that in the summer we were paying only around £40-50/month for both gas and electric so it's swings and roundabouts really.

EDIT: Forgot to mention, don't forget to factor in money for repairs/upkeep. Some things are covered, others aren't. So for instance you might decide that to keep the garden tidy you need to paint the fence or something similar. Some landlords will pay for it, others might not, but might still expect you to keep it tidy.

Also, just because things like broken/burst pipes etc are covered by the landlord, if they can't be got hold of you might be faced with calling an emergency plumber who will want paying.

Always good to have a few quid for emergencies, even if you shouldn't need it!

[Toms306]

Ah ok. Theres hope everywhere really, seeing and reading about other people that have had similar issues and end up living fairly normal lives - BUT it's seeing how that's gonna happen for me that's difficult part. I mean its gotta happen eventually, surely, hasn't it? I wont still be living at home at 70 years old shitting myself and scared at the inevitabilities of the future, surely? Well, at 70 I might be shitting myself but you know what I mean lol!

See, people say money doesn't matter, and the best things in life are free, and money doesn't buy you hapiness (my Nan is a prime example of this) but the fact is without it you cant do anything at all either. I could ask my Nan (my other nan, not the one who offered me the inheritance early) to borrow some money to help me start something - she's forever telling me (especially since my Grandad passed) that she's fed up of money and she doesn't want it as she has nothing to spend it on. She even 'found' a bank account with..well, enough to buy several nice cars, just festering away making a tiny amount of interest, the interest was £3k this time, and she said to me today "The bank want me to do something with the interest but what do I want it for? I dont need the money, I suppose I could give it away to the step sons to get rid of it". £3000, yes three thousand pounds....and she doesnt want it and doesnt even care where it goes! But unfortunately she has absolutely no understanding of mental health or IBS, so i couldn't explain to her how the money or moving out would help me. I would also feel awful just taking the money without giving her anything in return - ok so i take her shopping, do the housework/garden and walk the dog etc but its hardly enough comparatively.

You're not exactly a fountain of optimism yourself Chris haha! But you're totally right, my negative attitude doesn't help anything, although I spend most of the day putting on an optimistic face for other peoples sake, shame it doesn't stick though. But it's easy to see why, I'm surrounded by pessimism and depression all the time. My Mum is always very negative and always has been, her mum (my Nan) is the same, if theres something to moan about, she'll find it...and repeat it 4 times within an hour. But then she also keeps saying she's got nothing to live for any more, she's struggling herself with arthritis and various other things, she cant do what she wants, she cant even go outside if the weathers bad risking a fall. She'd been married to my Grandad for over 20 years when he passed last year so it's understandable that she now feels 'empty'. Then theres my other Nan, who has a lot of problems - mainly hypochondria and health anxiety tbh, but she does now have real problems as well, she lives in a cottage but can no longer manage stairs, the TV and kitchen are down stairs, the toilet is upstairs, so yeah she has to chose between them atm - the compromise is having a comode downstairs in her dining room, cant even imagine how awful that must be having to have someone else clear out a comode full of your own shit. She had Pneumonia over xmas which has just made everything worse, I'll be honest I didn't think she'd see the other side of it but seems to be getting a bit better. Anyway, she also now has nothing essentially, she daren't go out on her own incase she falls, her husband passed in 2011 so she's in the same boat as my other Nan of feeling like she's got nothing. Then theres my Dad, he's annoyingly 'upbeat' about everything, but I dont believe it's real, I'm sure its the same false hope that I use when I see him as well, lucky its only once a month or so. He works 6 nights a week to pay the mortgage he's got for a shitty little flat with his wife - how can that be good? Spending all the time you have either asleep or at work? Then theres my Great Aunt, who has an incurable disease now, she's been so religious throughout her life and she knows she wont survive it, she cant work out how her God would allow it to happen and she's very noticeably depressed on the phone (she lives to far for me to visit). Again, another elderly lady with loads of funds but nothing to do with it. Then I hear about a guy who's techniacally my Grandad (lost story!) who has many problems and knows he's not got long, he has cancer that cant be treated as well as lots of other things, and he's just waiting to die too. So it just seems to me that no matter what age you are, things are shit - and I've missed out on the fun part of life being a stupid teenager and getting pissed and shagging everything and buying stupid things and spending money chavving up a car to go and crash into a hedge. I realise thats not everything, and there must be something good after you hit 21, but I just can't find anything to look forward to or to motivate me, which is made worse by all these depressive people I'm around.

I have tried anxiety forums, but they're full of people as pessimistic as me though - and health 'pro's' who just patronise people. Not any good for me at all, I dont want pity or sympathy or patronising, I want help and advice on how to change things, which you dont get over there. Its much better over here tbh, I'd much rather be talking to normal(ish!) people, and the guys on here that have helped through PM or facebook or this thread really are invaluable and deserve thanks...so err, thanks!

[kentiiboii]

Tom I really don't think moving out is the way for you! Maybe at some point, but not at the moment.
Yes you could use your inhertence but there's much more than what your plainning. As you know me and mrs are planning to move out and currently saving.
You have your rent, council tax, gas, electric, water, tv license, food, car insurance, fuel, clothes and much more.
A lot of your inheritance would be taken up by thing like washer, fridge, freezer and other furnishing. Deposit around here is around £500 and first months rent.
I'm downgrading my car to a 1.4 to try and save more money. I don't use a lot of fuel anyway as I very rarely venture out of town.
We know well get by on what we earn, but I will hopefully have a full time job by then. ATM we have our eye on a 2 bedroom flat, reason being that its above the iceland store that I work in which are having a refurbishment including the flat but won't be don't till later on in the year. As I work in iceland I get the flat much cheaper.

Reason I don't think moving out will be good for you is Becuase you'll have a lot of stress to cope with. I know for someone normal it can be a lot to cope with never mind someone in your situation. The best thing for you to do would be small steps take your time. But talk to your mother first.
Your granparents inheritance would be better used for when you have a family.

[Toms306]

Reason I don't think moving out will be good for you is Becuase you'll have a lot of stress to cope with. I know for someone normal it can be a lot to cope with never mind someone in your situation. The best thing for you to do would be small steps take your time. But talk to your mother first.
Your granparents inheritance would be better used for when you have a family.

But it'll be less stress than being here, thats kinda the point. I know whatever I do I will get stressed/anxious etc.

But just using today as an example - I couldn't get up till rents had left at ~9.30ish.....didnt realise stepdad had only gone for a fag so he came back in and didnt leave again for hours - it wasnt worth the hassle of trying to get breakfast with him in and out, so i didn't. When he finally left I got the washing on and started washing up - in a panicky mess thinking he was coming back at any minute. Two loads of washing and drying - 3 hours panicking! Then realised that I'd over panicked so much i was late for my Nan so grabbed a sandwhich and headed down there to do a few things - by this point my guts are in a mess, and walking nans dog and doing some housework when all I wanted to do was sit still was not fun. Anyway, then it got to 4pm so I was worrying that stepdad would be home before I could get my dinner so I rushed home from Nans. Heard bass and a car door just as I got in - f*ck, he'd come home even earlier than usual. Cue panic again, resulting in needing the loo, again. Ok so now starts the 'trying to get dinner with other people here' panic. Thought it wasnt worth it but remembered I hadnt had breakfast so couldnt really skip dinner too. So turned on the oven - went through to start sorting my dinner and he followed me in, watching me, cant deal with that, left it, and he sat back down. Attempt number two, getting dinner, on the tray, just going in the oven he comes thorugh again, decides to also get dinner at EXACTLY the same time (lost count of the number of times Ive asked them to just wait till ive done). So anyway, I put mine on for a bit longer than his so he can FO out the way before I need to be in there, overcooked is better than undercooked anyway. All this 'agro' has caused the guts to start up again, feel bad but can't go at all (house is quiet, other people might hear...my brain decides to not allow me to get rid of the poo as thats clearly a good idea, thanks brain). He dishes up his dinner and sits dwn, mines ready, so i go and sort it as quick as I can and bring it to my room, no way am I sitting in the awkwardness in the lounge, especially while he watches gory hospital programmes while trying to eat! So yeah, 5 mins into my dinner, remember I couldn't go earlier? Well yeah its decided its URGENT right now - so eat the rest of my dinner in 5 mins panicking about shitting myself, finish it and go to the loo...well that was a waste of dinner, or was that lunch that came out, either way, wasnt worth it as it wasnt in there long. Finish there then go and wash up worrying that he'll come through or that mum and sis will come home - thankfully they didn't. Another trip to the loo after that, then I've spent the rest of the evening in my room on here - haven't stopped shaking yet. So basically I've got through another whole day and achieved nothing again, and this is pretty much what happens every day now. I guarantee the stress levels would be reduced if I wasnt here! This is what bad change did in the summer, I'd got a routine and reasonable stress levels before circumstances changed for the worse yet again.

I won't have a family. Dont like babies at all (no offence anyone that has them lol) and I certainly wouldn't like to think that I'd have a kid that ended up like me. Wish my parents had had the same idea.

[procta]

tom stop knocking ya self will ya! "wishing my parents had the same idea" you are canny crac tom, i recon you would be a good laugh on a night in the local pub.
my child hood and teens were not easy for me, due to family and school, having up roar at home in the early 90s and bullied most of my school days. i was over the moon when i left school. things started to settle down for me, a family fight was finally sorted after 5 years. so things moved on and i started to buy my self bits and pieces i would have loved when i was a kid. Always wanted a 88 key synthesizer
, i built my self a few pcs, and always wanted to build and upgrade a car. hence my rover metro, i know iam nuts about it, but when you have stripped the car down to bare bones, rebuilt into your own spec. you get that buzz! be the same if it was a 205 etc.
thinks like that sent me on the up, i had a couple of anxiety attacks like you have. i told you how i sorted that.
just take your mind off the shite situ, think of somthing else. things will get better!

[bigcheez2k3]

So it just seems to me that no matter what age you are, things are shit - and I've missed out on the fun part of life being a stupid teenager and getting pissed and shagging everything and buying stupid things and spending money chavving up a car to go and crash into a hedge. I realise thats not everything, and there must be something good after you hit 21, but I just can't find anything to look forward to or to motivate me, which is made worse by all these depressive people I'm around.

Errr at 21 you don't have to stop doing those things. I still do them so you haven't missed too much yet.

---

Also, why can't you do things like cooking your dinner when everyone else is about?

[Bananalad]

Didnt read any of the thread, but why no go out, get mortal and pull some worldies

[Toms306]

Also, why can't you do things like cooking your dinner when everyone else is about?

2 reasons -

1 - OCD - I have to do a lot of odd things to avoid 'contaminating' anything. That includes opening cupboards/packets etc then washing my hands and drying them on kitchen roll, so I dont have to touch anything except the food and the cuttley. Then for hot food, say getting frozen chicken/fish out of the packet for the oven with a fork so as not to touch the food/contaminated packaging etc, specailly with something like raw chicken. Obviously other people take the piss out of this, close cupboards/drawers etc and forever getting comments like 'just pick the f*cking thing up' - like I have a choice in the matter, do they think I want to be doing that!? I also can't stand the fact other people could be contaminating stuff (if someone coughs in the kitchen for example) and I also worry they might spike my food for a laugh, I KNOW they wouldn't do that, but for some reason it just sticks in my brain.

2 - Not sure what to call it but I can't stand being watched or people near me when I'm doing something. I get 'flustered' (theres probably a proper word for that) and I start panicking and shaking and can't control myself properly, for example just picking something up becomes difficult as if I can't remember how to do it, I realise how ridiculous that sounds, I guess it's something to do with social anxiety and being in close proximity with people.

And of course the more I think about, the more it happens, and in the end its just not worth the hassle.

---

Didnt read any of the thread, but why no go out, get mortal and pull some worldies

I wish I understood a word of that!

Bloody youth of today!

[kentiiboii]

Tom this sounds like most of its in your head. People touch EVERYTHING! There's no way out of it! Just wash your hands give your plate a quick wipe before putting food on. When food is cooked germs go anyway.

As for your parents they love there as well as you do. You shouldn't creep around them. You have to stand your own ground. But it ain't going to happen till you spoke to your mother.

[burnmw]

Tom this sounds like most of its in your head. People touch EVERYTHING! There's no way out of it! Just wash your hands give your plate a quick wipe before putting food on. When food is cooked germs go anyway.

As for your parents they love there as well as you do. You shouldn't creep around them. You have to stand your own ground. But it ain't going to happen till you spoke to your mother.

Sorry but... no sh!t Sherlock. Yes, most mental illnesses ARE in your head, that's why they are "mental" illness, not "physical" illness.

And Tom is well aware that it's in his brain, and doesn't really make any logical sense but that doesn't stop his brain from telling him that it is the correct thought process to have. It doesn't make sense unless you've suffered.

[Toms306]

Yes Kent, it's ALL in my head! If it stayed there, there would be no problem at all, no-one can see inside my head (just as well really ). But the fact is it pysically affects other things which is the issue here. Everyone worries about things, i'm well aware of that, but not necessarily to the point where it affects physical things to such an extent that 'normal' life becomes very difficult.

Oh and, yes I know everythings been touched somewhere along the line, I won't eat anything that says 'handmade' on it, would muld much rather it was made by a machine! But then of course, a human will have cleaned that machine lol, and possibly put thier own germs there!

What about cold food, sandwhiches for example - you cant cook away germs there, if theres germs, they'll still be there when you eat it! Then again, I know a lot of people dont wash thier hands, especially after using the loo or whatever and it makes me cringe at the thought of what they're putting in thier mouths. Here's a scenario for you - say you go for a wee in a public toilet - whether or not you've washed your hands, you'll probably touch the door handle on the way out - you're touching the same door handle that the guy before you touched without washing his hands - then you eat your sandwhich and you're effectively putting that guys cock in your mouth. Think about that next you leave a public loo.

Oh and don't even mention germs disappearing in cooked food, EVERY damn night I have the same fear that the meat isn't cooked properly, chicken/turkey/fish usually as I dont like beef (or horse lol) so I'm sitting there looking at every single peice I cut thinking 'is that pink? is it hot enough? maybe its not cooked? or is it just bad light?' EVERY SINGLE f*cking NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!! Again, it does my head in, but I just cant stand the thought that it might make me ill. And then if it was a bit pink (usually poor light!) I'll wory about it for the entire evening and all night too probably....

Well how can I stand my ground when my Mum pays for the whole house and her bf pays a bit of rent - I pay for nothing so I cant really say anything. I'm attempting to speak to my mum, but I dont know how to do it in a way that doesnt sound pathetic and whiny and like Im letting her down as a failure. I also dont want to make things even more awkward with my mum. Then again, Ive avoided seeing her for 3 days atm....

[burnmw]

Just a couple of points. You say you only really eat "ready-made" meat, pre-packaged stuff that you are technically just reheating? Well, it's already been cooked, so don't worry about it.

Second, your stomach is a bag of acid, it dissolves solid food... FOR FUN! You think it really cares if you put a few germs in it?

[kentiiboii]

Your saying how can you stand your grown, but here you are shouting to me putting your point across Tom! To someone you don't know. Yet you can't do that to your mother and make her see how bad you are!?
Moving out isnt seriously the way forward. You need a serious dose of mtfu. Moving out is a cowards way out! Staying at home is the place to face your problems head on!
If you move your just going to clean everything every 5 minutes worry about bills moan you can't afford fuel and you can't get epic mpgs that'll have have to sell your shitty 306 estate cos it breaks down and not fast enough. You'll end up on a 50cc moped!
But if you stay at home you talk to your mum she helps you. Goes with you to get professional help. Which both together including your gran would help you to get out of the mess your in.
Instead of your gran offering what you think is the easiest way out of your problems. Cos lets face it. You still ain't going to find a job and keep a place on your own.

Sorry if it sounds like I'm being really harsh Tom. I possibly am being harsh but sometimes it's needed. Take the easy way out you'll never get anywhere. I've learnt that!
At college I took the easiest way I went into computers instead of mechanics cos computers are easiest for me. Yet here I am not bothering with computers. But working on my car constantly Becuase I enjoy it! .

Don't blow your inheritance. When your older you'll regret it Becuase you could have so much more with it.

[Niall]

Kent, I dont think youve read a few parts of this thread. Toms family have hardly been supportive towards his issues so possibly living at home really isnt the best idea! And if him moving out and getting his shit sorted on his own means he can lead a normal life in a few years (sorry to make you sound like a spastic tom, cant really think of a better way to word it!) then his inheritance is far from wasted is it? If his nan gave it to him in a few years and he spent it on a new car, i would see that as more of a waste!