Time for a Fresh Start - Updated Page 3, Jan 2013

[Toms306]

Well, can't argue with the above I guess....


Suppose I'd better update this. Fed up and f*cked off tbh. I've really made an effort to change something in the last two weeks after starting this thread and getting some decent help and support here. And all I've managed to do is raise anxiety levels even more, completely f*ck my guts and any sort of routine I was starting to get and generally feel I'm getting worse, pretty sure I was only minutes from a breakdown in Tescos last week, there were so many people in there and movement everywhere and I just froze in the middle of the shop. I've covered hundreds of miles over the last few days doing favours for other people (them paying fuel) thinking it'd help to take my mind off stuff and that helping others might in turn help me out. It didn't work. Then last night just took the piss. I FINALLY got an evening/night home alone (which I thought is what I wanted), yet I just kept worrying about being broken into and checking doors were locked all the time. Then when I did get to bed after about an hour of laying there wide awake and jumping at any noise there was a 'noise' from my stomach - which my brain decided meant I was gonna be sick, which is probably the worst thing that could happen at night, even worse without anyone home. So after 45mins of tossing and turning and panicking and putting the radio/tv on to drown out any noise there was another rumble......and a fart. It was just a fart, f*ck you brain.

So basically I've realised I can't live with them, I can't live without them, I can't lower anxiety levels by doing things to take my mind off it as it has the opposite effect, I can't even walk round tescos to do shopping let alone work there and no matter what I try I just end up making things worse, and I don't even know what I want. I think if there was just one 'issue' I could work with it and sort it, but with so many that all play off eachother I'm just a lost cause really. To make things even worse I went over on NMP forum again, and read about people that are like 50/60 still having the same issues, so it never goes, its gonna be here until I'm not and I can't really handle that.

As for telling my Mum, I can't tell her 'everything', any trust would be gone if she found out I'd been hiding and covering things for years and lying to her. Plus she has enough to deal with atm with Xmas and then her op in Jan....she has more balls than me, no way would I have a gall bladder ripped out! However I did drop some big hints so she kinda knows about most stuff now.

[puglove]

Dont know if its been covered as iv only read your first post. But it sounds like your family really dont help atall. Must be shitty as f*ck . I can kinda simpathise with the washing up and other peoples dirt/contamination as im a bit like this but in alot milder form. Cant imagin how hard it is when its as bad as you have it and people really dont help with it and just do what want without taking you in to consideration. Hope you can get it sorted soon.

[declantg]

I'm sorry man but I'm going to say it, marijuana helps

[puglove]

I'm sorry man but I'm going to say it, marijuana helps

I dont think so dec. It can course alot of the above. So in tom's case i think it will only aid the issues in getting worse. That stuff can really take its toll on mental heath. Trust me i know!

[Toms306]

As much as I like the idea of stress relief Dec, I couldn't risk whity-ing on weed tbh.

[Jonny b]

A good mate of mine is a paranoid schizophrenic, that was brought about by drug abuse mainly super strong skunk shit! Not that it was the cause but he was prone, from reading what Tom writes I would say he would be quite susceptible, some can do it some cant!

[Dum-Dum]

Yeah weed isnt he answer, it can help people relax but its known to increase anxiety and paranoia and i think thats the last thing tom needs.

[Niall]

What you need is a wank. That will sort all this out!!

/unhelpful post

Seriously though, being alone for one night is out of your normal routine and that's probably why you didn't do too well. If you moved out, things would get worse before they get better but I think they would get better!

[Toms306]

Yeah maybe you're right niall, I know you can't make an omlete without breaking eggs.....

[Matt]

I will have to agree with dec. tbh through the shit ive had the last few months to a year, it actually help me chill the f*ck out. Stop worrying about everything. Get my head in focus and get on with my life.

I know it's not everyone's solution. But it was mine and it worked

[Toms306]

Yeah Matt, I don't disagree, I can totally see the benefits of it. But cant risk the side effects. If anyone knows of something that gives the same chill out effect without the chance of any side effects at all I guess that'd be useful. Probably doesn't exist though.

[Dicky]

Right, I find things hard to put into words when I'm typing or writing I'm more of a talking person so sorry if this doesn't make much sense.
here it goes.

My brother also suffered from OCD and IBS a while back now and has seen through it, he tried to commit suicide 4 times and failed on all of them which made things worse.. he tried to hang himself, cut his wrists twice and overdosed which put him in a semi-coma for 2 weeks over pretty much the same as you stated.

Things do get better, when you've hit rock bottom the only way to go is up.. he was 26 at the time with nothing accomplished in his life, he couldn't hold down a job, had his kids taken away and he tried everything to get help in the end he took a long break away from home with my auntie who lives in Canterbury, talked to people about his problems and never looked back..

Hope this helps, don't know if it makes much sense to you but the moral is have a break from home, talk to somebody about your problems and find something which keeps you busy.

[Kwik]

Just read most of this I remember chatting to you on chatbox once didn't go into it all but i thought i would offer some light to your tunnel.

2006 I had a complete breakdown nearly got sectioned and lost everything (DJing residency, Normal Job, Flat, Access to my little girl, Car you get the picture) APART from my family. I felt like a complete wasteman and i had bottled everything up and it all came undone. I quickly learnt who my real friends and family members were. I had even stopped djing for a while and just disappeared of the radar. I was put on medication and had to have someone keep an eye on me. the medication also bought me bowel problems which to this day i still have even with changes to meds.

Luckily one of my friends came into some money and bought a flat for me to rent as i was on benefits for my mental health issues. turned out from puberty i had un-diagnosed Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal ideation so my cousin moved in with me to keep an eye on me. He caught me a few times trying to kill myself and had to wrestle me a few times from using the knife or the pills or the alc or whatever was there. It was cause i bottled every single thing up and had no way to vent. I had counselling that never worked. I was at a total loss.

Then out the blue one of my other friends recommended me for djing in ramsgate. This helped me so much was unreal. I was able to start rebuilding my life and when i got strong enough i went to court and got access to see my little girl. I was able to sort out a car and actually started to think i wasn't such a wasteman. Had a little hiccup in 09 when dvla messed up my license and i had to ride my bike for a couple of years. Also nearly got blackmailed by a very evil woman pretending a kid was mine but my family and friends supported me through all this. Kris B even went as far as helping me sort out a motorbike to ride.

2010 I decided to move out of London and Down to the Kent coast as my Djing was going so well and it is so much cheaper and being by the sea really chills me out. I then got with my missus who i knew for a couple of years before and then my little girl started to come and stay with me. Then one of the people who helped me get through the teenage years who was like a dad to me passed. His wife said to me Nat we know things have been tough for you but Dave said you keep moving forward and you'll be fine he thought of you in hospital and that touched me so much. made me realise i'm not such a wasteman after all.

A couple of years on we come to the present. After all the bad things life is great. I have a residency that's been going for 4 years now and according to the local papers I have the busiest weekly Saturday night on the kent coast and I have a very big following now.. I now have probably the most loving woman in the world who is carrying my next child and my daughter who is now nine I have a great relationship with her and speak daily and see her every week and she comes to stay with me through the holidays. My missus is probably the best female friend i've ever had even more then my mum and the best thing i can talk to her and we work through things together which is great. I know i have a tremendous support network and know aslong as i take one step at a time moving forward i'll be ok. I've now rebuilt most of my life and it's way stronger then before and that means I'm able to move further forward.

Half the people i meet don't have a clue about my issues but i like to think i'm a bit johnny 5 (if you seen short circuit you'll know what i'm on about)

Guess what i'm trying to say is after you hit rock bottom the only way is up. Keep your chin up it will and can get better i'm living proof.

Speak to your doctors they do give a sh#t and will try to help how ever they can. Health care helped me and look at me now.

But you have done the first step and confided to people on here that you do have issues and the first step is always the hardest. But i would say you need to talk to your mum about your issues just so she can help. Until i told my mum she never had a clue but when i did she bent over backwards to help. she will be shocked but she will know and that's another baby step forward.

Hope this helps and if you want to chat ever pm me i'll always listen as i've been where you are and people listened to me and that helped so much.

[Toms306]

Well I gave this a rest over the xmas period as I didn't feel it was fair to depress people with a thread like this at that time. But I'll carry on now if thats ok.

Dicky - that makes perfect sense mate, and I know what you mean about getting stuff from your brain onto paper as I'm the same. With your brother, thats the exact reason I wouldn't attempt suicide, I know I'd f*ck it up and that'd just make things worse. Having a break from home would be ideal for me I think, as I know thats a major part of the problem, however I've got no where to go tbh, thats why the only option really would be to move out on my own, don't have any relatives I could stay with.

Kwik - I've read through that 2 or 3 times to take it in lol! And it does look like you've managed to make a brilliant recovery from where you were. What I noticed though is that you seemed to have a lot of good 'physical' support, which is something I think I'm missing currently. I don't want to sound ungreatful for the 'virtual' support from guys on here and facebook but it's just not quite the same. I need someone to physically tell me what to do and keep pushing and give me a kick up the arse to sort stuff.


Somehow I did manage to get through xmas and new year - OCD and IBS levels have been ridiculously high though, the amount of bog roll and soap that dissappeared was ridiculous, but I did manage it so onto worrying about the next thing.... Well tbh I haven't stopped worrying about it at all tbh, every day I'm worrying about the fact I have no money and need a job, and to move out - and still can't see any of that happening. Even after 3 pages of thread nothings changed, am I just thick or what? And it's made worse by the fact I have nothing to do currently, stripping the Golf was a great 'project' which kept me occupied for weeks and gave me something to get up for, I've now got nothing at all to get up for, theres just no point. If I didn't feel I was gonna shit myslef at around 9am I wouldn't bother getting up at all. Any motivation I had has completely gone now, I don't know where to get any from, shame shops dont sell it, then again it's a shame brains don't run on OBDII and be fixed with a code reader. Also I've been walking Nans dog everyday for a couple of weeks, it turns out walking doesn't help anything either, I just end up with earache, a stiff neck and now a dodgy knee from the cold and damp.

As for telling my Mum, I'm not sure if she doesn't listen or just has a memory like a sieve, I explained a few things to her over the last week which she seemingly ignored completely and said yesterday, well now its the new year you've got to go and sign on and get a job..............wtf, did you listen at all!? Then she was shocked when I said about wanting to definitely move out before the end of this year, although I'd explained the reasons several times.

So can someone tell me EXACTLY what I should do now? Cos I still don't know.

[cwspellowe]

You need to actually stick your neck out and make a start at any of the above scenarios.

I'm a nightmare for sitting on the tinterwebz and mulling things over, it takes me ages to actually get on with something. Once you've made a start though, that's the hardest part.

I know it's easy for me to sit here and say "just get on with it" but at times in life you need to. If you let physical and mental barriers block your path all the time it's just going to end up a downwards spiral with symptoms getting worse. You've told your Mum you want to move out by the end of this year but that's not going to happen unless you make it happen.

Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but wake up one day with a positive mental attitude and go somewhere and do something. Go somewhere new, try something new, meet someone new? But basically grow a pair one day and get adventurous. You're not going to get anywhere if you ask people on the internet for advice, everyone's is contrasting.

Pick and end game, say for instance moving out of the house. What do you need for that? Money. Where do you get that? Work.

Maybe spend a day pootling around dealerships/garages, you said you have experience with Ford. Mention that to them, ask if they can get you on their insurance as an observer or unpaid work for a week to get into the swing of things. What you'll find is, if a place likes you, they may well offer you a job. But if you've offered to work for free (i know due to insurance etc a lot of places can't bend the rules) then they're not losing anything with you being in the workshop.

And worst case scenario, it's a bit of recent experience to put on your CV.

[Kimmie]

You need to seriously address things with your Mum. You say you need the physical support and that's the best place to start. I don't know her, and I understand that families can be a massive pain in the arse, but you have to start with someone close to you who loves and cares for you. Sit her down, tell her to listen to you, or if you can't face it then write it all in a letter. That way she can't 'forget' because it's there in black and white. YOU need to make her listen.

Your persistent worrying of job/money/moving etc is just making this worse. I do understand that over-thinking is part of the problem for you, but you really do just need to CHILL. You're putting so much pressure on yourself to make these things happen, and panicking about how to do it all. STOP. It's going to take time, and you literally need to take things one day at a time. Breathe, relax and breathe some more!

You need to set yourself smaller goals to start with. Something as simple as driving a mile further than you normally would, walking in a direction you wouldn't normally take. Little things like this will seem massive once you've achieved them, and will do wonders for your self-esteem. You'll see that with patience you're able to cope. It may sound like a cop out, but as you're seeing for yourself, these big goals you have are causing you even more anxiety. Think big, but start small.

I do, and forever will, advocate seeking professional help. I have on numerous occasions refused counselling myself because I'm not comfortable with that situation, but I talked to my doctor and that was enough. Every time I go see her now for whatever reason, she still asks me how I'm doing with everything that happened 5+ years ago. There's various medical routes that can be taken, but YOU are the only one who can make the progress. All this 'doctors don't listen' is shit. Yes, some aren't as sympathetic and don't take enough time to listen, but there are others out there. Change your doctor, go to a clinic, phone a helpline, whatever. There will be someone to listen.

A very different example but proves my point anyway: For around 2 years I was consistently catching colds/viruses and struggling to shake them off. I literally had a cold for over a month at one point, and was off school/work at least one day per month. I saw my nurse practioner, who suggested that because of things going on in my life (my Mum was battling cancer whilst I was taking my A Levels) she though it was all in my head, and I needed counselling. I saw her quite a few times to be met with the same reaction. Finally, 2 years later I got fed up and saw the head of the surgery with my Mum. He diagnosed me with Coeliac Disease, and since changing my diet to cut out gluten I have had 2 sick days in 2 years. So she didn't listen, but someone else did!

[kentiiboii]

Just read through your last post tom! You've just said your solution!
Breaking the golf!

Buy a car break it that's something to do! Plus at the end you'll make money! Rent a local garage from council not too expensive and if you have money just use it to buy a scrap car . That way you have things to do to keep you occupied and you can eBay everything so you make money and don't really have to see people. Just need to go pick the cars up .

[Toms306]

Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but wake up one day with a positive mental attitude and go somewhere and do something. Go somewhere new, try something new, meet someone new? But basically grow a pair one day and get adventurous. You're not going to get anywhere if you ask people on the internet for advice, everyone's is contrasting.

Pick and end game, say for instance moving out of the house. What do you need for that? Money. Where do you get that? Work.

Maybe spend a day pootling around dealerships/garages, you said you have experience with Ford. Mention that to them, ask if they can get you on their insurance as an observer or unpaid work for a week to get into the swing of things. What you'll find is, if a place likes you, they may well offer you a job. But if you've offered to work for free (i know due to insurance etc a lot of places can't bend the rules) then they're not losing anything with you being in the workshop.

And worst case scenario, it's a bit of recent experience to put on your CV.

I don't think I'll ever be adventurous lol, and going somewhere new uses fuel which I can't afford - as does meeting someone new, but I wouldn't even know where to meet people? I know normal people go clubbing or go to the pub but theres no chance of me doing either of those so where could I meet other people? Car meets (local dubgen) or cruises (IMCC) possibly, but it was so much effort going to those that I gave up as it just wasn't worth it tbh.

As for the bit in bold, that IS the catch 22 that I tried explaining in the first post. I know I need money to move out. I know I need work to earn money. I know I can't work while I'm here due to the distance from a job and the other people in the house - but to solve that I need to move out, which I need money for, which I need a job for....aaaaaaaargh lol! There just doesn't seem to be a way out of this hole which is why I just end up going in circles.

As for working at dealerships, it's not really possible due to the distance from them and the amount of fuel I'd end up using - if I lived in town it'd be ideal for that. However I did try it last year and wrote to the major dealers (Pug, Citroen, Ford, Seat, Audi, VW and a few others) offering them free work to gain experience and just received letters from some saying they didn't need/want anyone else, and recived nothing from the others. The other issue if I did get somewhere like that is they all send the apprentices away for training (miles up North or down South, nothing remotely close) and I wouldn't be able to travel that far at all in my current situation. It just seems like theres always something in the way no matter what I try to do.

You need to seriously address things with your Mum. You say you need the physical support and that's the best place to start. I don't know her, and I understand that families can be a massive pain in the arse, but you have to start with someone close to you who loves and cares for you. Sit her down, tell her to listen to you, or if you can't face it then write it all in a letter. That way she can't 'forget' because it's there in black and white. YOU need to make her listen.

Your persistent worrying of job/money/moving etc is just making this worse. I do understand that over-thinking is part of the problem for you, but you really do just need to CHILL. You're putting so much pressure on yourself to make these things happen, and panicking about how to do it all. STOP. It's going to take time, and you literally need to take things one day at a time. Breathe, relax and breathe some more!

You need to set yourself smaller goals to start with. Something as simple as driving a mile further than you normally would, walking in a direction you wouldn't normally take. Little things like this will seem massive once you've achieved them, and will do wonders for your self-esteem. You'll see that with patience you're able to cope. It may sound like a cop out, but as you're seeing for yourself, these big goals you have are causing you even more anxiety. Think big, but start small.

I do, and forever will, advocate seeking professional help. I have on numerous occasions refused counselling myself because I'm not comfortable with that situation, but I talked to my doctor and that was enough. Every time I go see her now for whatever reason, she still asks me how I'm doing with everything that happened 5+ years ago. There's various medical routes that can be taken, but YOU are the only one who can make the progress. All this 'doctors don't listen' is shit. Yes, some aren't as sympathetic and don't take enough time to listen, but there are others out there. Change your doctor, go to a clinic, phone a helpline, whatever. There will be someone to listen.

A very different example but proves my point anyway: For around 2 years I was consistently catching colds/viruses and struggling to shake them off. I literally had a cold for over a month at one point, and was off school/work at least one day per month. I saw my nurse practioner, who suggested that because of things going on in my life (my Mum was battling cancer whilst I was taking my A Levels) she though it was all in my head, and I needed counselling. I saw her quite a few times to be met with the same reaction. Finally, 2 years later I got fed up and saw the head of the surgery with my Mum. He diagnosed me with Coeliac Disease, and since changing my diet to cut out gluten I have had 2 sick days in 2 years. So she didn't listen, but someone else did!

My Mum's not really a supportive person lol, and we're not particularly close either so I don't really think she's the best person to help. Her idea of support is essentially bullying, or belittling the other person until they do what she wants - which probably does work with 5 year olds, unfortunately she hasn't changed that plan of attack since though. Unfortunately she also lacks any sort of positive mental attitude, moans a lot and complains about being bored constantly when shes at home...yeah, seems familair lol.

I understand your point about the fact I should just chill...but if I could do that I wouldn't be in this mess for a start lol. But the reality is, I don't have money now, I need a job now and can't afford to wait and hope things change in the future, things do have to change soon because theres not the option to just sit around waiting. This is what I've done for nearly 6 months now, taking each day as it comes as I can't really face the idea of the future but thats partly why nothings changed, as it turns out to be quite easy to 'waste' days doing small things that don't contribute to the longer term future.

I totally agree about the big goals causing anxiety instead of helping though, and I do try and do small things and I guess they do help, but as its small things over a longer time scale just don't see the changes, but they are there looking back.

The 'latest' doc I saw was an older lady who was surprisingly patient and understanding, which made a change from the arse that i saw the first time round lol, so i know there are some that can listen now. The thing with Doctors though is I just can't see what they can do - they can give me pills which I can't swallow. Or they can send me for CBT, which may or may not work, but I am on the waiting list for already. Apart from that, what else can they do?

Just read through your last post tom! You've just said your solution!
Breaking the golf!

Buy a car break it that's something to do! Plus at the end you'll make money! Rent a local garage from council not too expensive and if you have money just use it to buy a scrap car . That way you have things to do to keep you occupied and you can eBay everything so you make money and don't really have to see people. Just need to go pick the cars up .

I have thought about it Kent, as it'd make me some money, give me something to do and increase my car experience. But its not the right time of year unfrtunately, and my Nan doesn't want another car stuck in her garden for weeks so i've got nowhere to store one anyway. So that idea isn't really possible unfortuantley. I did think about buying broken cars to fix and sell on as well, but insurance wouldn't allow me DOCs and I dont have a trailer licence to move non-runners so thats out as well.

[kentiiboii]

Buy your self a a frame. And go to the council and rent your self a local garage as said. I think they're only Tenner a week. and it's storage and a place to keep a nackard card.
If not have a work with your nann tell her you enjoyed stripping the car and it earnt you some money with something to do. She may understand and allow it . Worth a try. Your never going to get anything done by sitting there and thinking of the nagatives that might happen. Go and try!

[Toms306]

I cant tow an A frame on my licence though!! Plus I havent got a towbar. Also, there aren't any council garages round here, people like trees and grass too much in the countryside to build garages.

[bigcheez2k3]

Don't need a trailer licence, just make sure the overall weight, 'MAM' I believe, is under 3500kg and that the trailer and load doesn't weigh more than the tow vehicle.

Or just do what I'd do, tow it home on a bar and say you're recovering it.

This is a little off topic though

[Toms306]

Not really off-topic as it could be a way of making money and keeping occupied.

Are you sure you dont need a tow licence for an A frame though? If so that could be a possibility after all.....

[bigcheez2k3]

I don't know about A-frames, from what I hear they are in a bit of a grey area in regards to legality. When you say 'tow licence' are you referring to what our dads will have on their licences but we don't because we passed after 1997?

[Dum-Dum]

Are you sure you dont need a tow licence for an A frame though? If so that could be a possibility after all.....

You do, you can only tow up to 750kg on an a frame as theyer an unbraked trailer.

If you got a proper towing dolly with brakes you could tow small cars on your licence keeping under the 3500gtw

[Toms306]

I don't know about A-frames, from what I hear they are in a bit of a grey area in regards to legality. When you say 'tow licence' are you referring to what our dads will have on their licences but we don't because we passed after 1997?

Yeah thats right, my dad can drive anything pretty much, and I know I cant tow a car trailer on my licence anyway.

Are you sure you dont need a tow licence for an A frame though? If so that could be a possibility after all.....

You do, you can only tow up to 750kg on an a frame as theyer an unbraked trailer.

If you got a proper towing dolly with brakes you could tow small cars on your licence keeping under the 3500gtw

I thought the 3500kg was our Dads limit and ours was lower? Gah this is confusing lol.

[bigcheez2k3]

https://www.gov.uk/towing-with-car/drivi...ou-can-tow

[Toms306]

Thats even more confusing! So for example, the 'state wieghs about 1200kg - so theoretically I could tow another estate on a trailer and still not be over the 3.5tonne limit?

[Dum-Dum]

What your towing has to be less than the weight of what your towing with

The combined GROSS weight has to be less than 3500kg

You still need to be within what the car allows you to tow (IIRC 1100kg on the state)

The weight of what your towing is taken from the Max Gross weight of the trailer ie if your using a dolly and the plate on it says it can take 3 tonnes then you cant tow it even with no car on. You can however get it "down plated" ie sticking on a plate that makes it legal for you to tow.

[aircool]

Have you reduced your caffeine intake?

Got any computer skills as you could try something like Elance?

[Toms306]

Reduced? I don't have ANY caffiene lol. Don't drink tea, coffee or coke....

And I don't really have computer skills any further than turn it off and on again lol. I Di have a gcse in IT but I'm no good at it.