Well, can't argue with the above I guess....
Suppose I'd better update this. Fed up and f*cked off tbh. I've really made an effort to change something in the last two weeks after starting this thread and getting some decent help and support here. And all I've managed to do is raise anxiety levels even more, completely f*ck my guts and any sort of routine I was starting to get and generally feel I'm getting worse, pretty sure I was only minutes from a breakdown in Tescos last week, there were so many people in there and movement everywhere and I just froze in the middle of the shop. I've covered hundreds of miles over the last few days doing favours for other people (them paying fuel) thinking it'd help to take my mind off stuff and that helping others might in turn help me out. It didn't work. Then last night just took the piss. I FINALLY got an evening/night home alone (which I thought is what I wanted), yet I just kept worrying about being broken into and checking doors were locked all the time. Then when I did get to bed after about an hour of laying there wide awake and jumping at any noise there was a 'noise' from my stomach - which my brain decided meant I was gonna be sick, which is probably the worst thing that could happen at night, even worse without anyone home. So after 45mins of tossing and turning and panicking and putting the radio/tv on to drown out any noise there was another rumble......and a fart. It was just a fart, f*ck you brain.
So basically I've realised I can't live with them, I can't live without them, I can't lower anxiety levels by doing things to take my mind off it as it has the opposite effect, I can't even walk round tescos to do shopping let alone work there and no matter what I try I just end up making things worse, and I don't even know what I want. I think if there was just one 'issue' I could work with it and sort it, but with so many that all play off eachother I'm just a lost cause really. To make things even worse I went over on NMP forum again, and read about people that are like 50/60 still having the same issues, so it never goes, its gonna be here until I'm not and I can't really handle that.
As for telling my Mum, I can't tell her 'everything', any trust would be gone if she found out I'd been hiding and covering things for years and lying to her. Plus she has enough to deal with atm with Xmas and then her op in Jan....she has more balls than me, no way would I have a gall bladder ripped out! However I did drop some big hints so she kinda knows about most stuff now.
Suppose I'd better update this. Fed up and f*cked off tbh. I've really made an effort to change something in the last two weeks after starting this thread and getting some decent help and support here. And all I've managed to do is raise anxiety levels even more, completely f*ck my guts and any sort of routine I was starting to get and generally feel I'm getting worse, pretty sure I was only minutes from a breakdown in Tescos last week, there were so many people in there and movement everywhere and I just froze in the middle of the shop. I've covered hundreds of miles over the last few days doing favours for other people (them paying fuel) thinking it'd help to take my mind off stuff and that helping others might in turn help me out. It didn't work. Then last night just took the piss. I FINALLY got an evening/night home alone (which I thought is what I wanted), yet I just kept worrying about being broken into and checking doors were locked all the time. Then when I did get to bed after about an hour of laying there wide awake and jumping at any noise there was a 'noise' from my stomach - which my brain decided meant I was gonna be sick, which is probably the worst thing that could happen at night, even worse without anyone home. So after 45mins of tossing and turning and panicking and putting the radio/tv on to drown out any noise there was another rumble......and a fart. It was just a fart, f*ck you brain.
So basically I've realised I can't live with them, I can't live without them, I can't lower anxiety levels by doing things to take my mind off it as it has the opposite effect, I can't even walk round tescos to do shopping let alone work there and no matter what I try I just end up making things worse, and I don't even know what I want. I think if there was just one 'issue' I could work with it and sort it, but with so many that all play off eachother I'm just a lost cause really. To make things even worse I went over on NMP forum again, and read about people that are like 50/60 still having the same issues, so it never goes, its gonna be here until I'm not and I can't really handle that.
As for telling my Mum, I can't tell her 'everything', any trust would be gone if she found out I'd been hiding and covering things for years and lying to her. Plus she has enough to deal with atm with Xmas and then her op in Jan....she has more balls than me, no way would I have a gall bladder ripped out! However I did drop some big hints so she kinda knows about most stuff now.