selfish lodger help?

[THE_Liam]

Wait until she's asleep one night. Get a friend to come round (sure Phil would do this for a,laugh)
Get a large duvet, several cable ties, a shovel, a rubber mallet and some polythene bags.
Whist she sleeps, wrap her up in the duvet quickly with the polythene bags and shovel. Cable tie around the duvet to hold her in place then both carry her to the boot of the car. By this time she will probably start freaking out and screaming so a good few taps around the face with the rubber mallet should sort this.
Bundle her into the back of the car and drive very erratically to some nearby woods. During the journey she will be wondering what the shovel and bags are for. She will probably thinking "what the hell are they going to do to me" and start freaking out again so I suggest one of you sits in the back with the mallet so you can quiten her.
Once in the woods, open the boot and get her out of the duvet. Order her to get out the car with the shovel and start digging a hole (if your feeling nice, you can wait till its rained a bit so the grounds a bit softer). I would suggest that you make sure it's about 11pm at this point as it takes several hours to dig a 6ft hole and you don't want to be caught by the early morning dog walkers
Once dug, order her to get into the polythene bag and then drop her in the hole. Drive off (just round the corner) and sneak back. Leave her for 30 mins or so then get her out of there. Can guarantee she will be shit scared and just tell her that that's just a warning.....or if she gets some sticks and leaves as a roof, her new home.



Simples.

Remind me to never piss you off. It sounds like you have a slight case of f*cking psycho...