Job Hunt and Health Issues

[Toms306]

The tips make my day worthwhile bud as you don't get paid for wear and tear, just diesel @ 85p per delivery and an extra 20p per delivery for the roof sign and it all plays a part in paying for the running of 2 cars and 5 kids!

Yeah I don't dispute that, I'm just too tight to pay any more than absolutely necessary anywhere.

Utilise a skillset you already have and apply it to make some money through a channel that suits you.

Stuff applying for a job with the likes of hermes.

Think we've pretty much realised I don't have a skillset or any sort of channel that suits me through this thread though.

Utilise a skillset you already have and apply it to make some money

Toilet tissue tester?

Ha, now there's an ideal job!

[1616six]

Problem you've got Tom is that you dismiss any suggestion anyone ever makes without even giving it a shot.

What's stopping you advertising diagnostic services, do a week of it, it it goes pear shaped then at least you can say you've tried. You'll get nowhere, ever if you just say "No I can't do it" - you won't try it, that is the issue.

You didn't reply to my other comment regarding a telephone, what is the issue? No-one is a huge fan of the phone but at least with a phone you can sit on the toilet if it comes to it, you're not face to face, you're in as comfortable surroundings as you're ever being. Stop being scared of trying things.

Everyone does things they don't like/want to do/are worried about doing on a daily basis - it's life, you HAVE to do things you don't like doing. End of.

[zx_volcane]

Utilise a skillset you already have and apply it to make some money through a channel that suits you.

Stuff applying for a job with the likes of hermes.

Think I've pretty much convinced myself I don't have a skillset or any sort of channel that suits me through this thread though.

EFA

That sums it up in a nutshell I'm afraid

Either accept you don't feel like you can do anything and bask in it and enjoy your life in some other way that suits you, or find a tool that helps you turn your negative thoughts into positive actions

/thread

[Niall]

Tom, you have qualifications in two industries that are crying out for new starters. Why not force your self to get on with one of them? Don't forget, just because you've trained as a electrician doesn't mean you have to be house bashing. You could happily use your qualification to go into an advanced apprenticeship in any electrical field. Industrial work, panel building, PV etc. You could even do what i do if it really took your fancy.
No one ever said this was going to be easy Tom. I understand you've got your fears and they will be extremely difficult to get around. Some employers may not understand them at first but you need to push on and show these people that you are keen to work.
Lets be honest, if you don't sort your self out a job, you're going to be back home with your parents soon. Im sure you don't want that and I'm sure people who know you don't. I don't because I've seen how much you've changed and your attitude has improved just from talking to you since you've moved out.

Really push your self Tom. It won't be easy, probably won't be pleasant either but do it and the rewards will be great.

[Toms306]

Problem you've got Tom is that you dismiss any suggestion anyone ever makes without even giving it a shot.

What's stopping you advertising diagnostic services, do a week of it, it it goes pear shaped then at least you can say you've tried. You'll get nowhere, ever if you just say "No I can't do it" - you won't try it, that is the issue.

You didn't reply to my other comment regarding a telephone, what is the issue? No-one is a huge fan of the phone but at least with a phone you can sit on the toilet if it comes to it, you're not face to face, you're in as comfortable surroundings as you're ever being. Stop being scared of trying things.

Everyone does things they don't like/want to do/are worried about doing on a daily basis - it's life, you HAVE to do things you don't like doing. End of.

I did reply about the telephone -

Tom if you can't do face to face you NEED to be able to do telephones, not everything can be done via email.

I bloody hate telephones but I've worked in a call centre environment for 4 years now even though my job is no longer telephone based I have to use the phone daily!

What's wrong with using a phone? You can sit on the toilet whilst on the phone, in your own home, with no-one able to see you.. it doesn't get much easier..

I can do face to face, I find it much easier than telephones. I know that won't make sense to most people lol. Problem is just initially getting to the face to face situation, if the Dominos guy was stood outside having a smoke or something, I'd be able to approach him, what I struggle with there is entering a strange building uninvited, and/or stopping someone from whatever they're doing to listen to me.

Problems with a phone are almost endless, it's a terrible comms device! (IMO of course lol).

-I have the choice not to answer it - don't have that choice if someones stood in front talking lol.
-I struggle to understand people, they struggle to understand me - I know I don't speak overly clearly and it's worse when I'm panicked. Because of that, information is almost always taken down wrong from a call. I also struggle to understand most accents over the phone, seems easier when you can lip read, don't understand that myself but I do know that's sort of specific to me.
-Its invasive - you wouldn't go up to someone and repeatedly poke them until they stop what they're doing like a phone call is essentially doing, feels extremely inconsiderate to me and I'm too British and polite.
-I don't know who or what will be on the other end, fear of the unknown I guess.
-It's instant - I tend to blank when asked a direct question (this part of the interview went badly as you can guess lol) but even face to face you can come back to a topic in 10 minutes time if you blanked earlier on, email is even better because you can re-read and adjust the reply as much as you like but on the phone it's quickly over and gone.
-Phone calls are bloody expensive. I know its not an issue for those of you with nice phones on contract but I'm on PAYG as I use it so rarely, homephone is also expensive during the week, free local weekends though I admit. Email and face to face are free, you're not pre-occupied with the price of the call trying to rush through.

There's probably a lot more...I really do hate the telephone...

As for sitting on the toilet on the phone - never do that, people the other end can hear the echo, splashes and wind so are well aware of what you're doing.

Not sure how you managed to miss that.

Although it seems like I dismiss suggestions, I have done the same or similar before so know what would happen. With the diag stuff, I won't be able to answer the phone guaranteed (proved several times with various previous business ideas). Even if I could it wouldn't work out for the reasons I gave earlier, I hardly ever use the generic reader myself, so why did I think it'd work elsewhere?

I also forget about things I can't do until I'm back in the same situation unable to do it. I realise how daft that sounds, but I am surprisingly optimistic until I try something and realise I can't do it. Has happened several times since being here and trying to do things again after months of not really bothering. And there's the difference between not liking something and being unable to do it. I do things I don't like doing every day, I'm sure everyone does - that's not the same as not being able to do something though.

Utilise a skillset you already have and apply it to make some money through a channel that suits you.

Stuff applying for a job with the likes of hermes.

Think I've pretty much convinced myself I don't have a skillset or any sort of channel that suits me through this thread though.

EFA

That sums it up in a nutshell I'm afraid

Either accept you don't feel like you can do anything and bask in it and enjoy your life in some other way that suits you, or find a tool that helps you turn your negative thoughts into positive actions

/thread

Is that a fact or your opinion?

I'm not sure there is a tool for that is there? Can I just bodge it with a hammer instead?

In all seriousness though, I do kind of agree. I thought I'd be able to do certain things by now that I still can't and don't seem to be able to make any progress in some areas at all. Not really sure what the solution is there though.

Tom, you have qualifications in two industries that are crying out for new starters. Why not force your self to get on with one of them? Don't forget, just because you've trained as a electrician doesn't mean you have to be house bashing. You could happily use your qualification to go into an advanced apprenticeship in any electrical field. Industrial work, panel building, PV etc. You could even do what i do if it really took your fancy.
No one ever said this was going to be easy Tom. I understand you've got your fears and they will be extremely difficult to get around. Some employers may not understand them at first but you need to push on and show these people that you are keen to work.
Lets be honest, if you don't sort your self out a job, you're going to be back home with your parents soon. Im sure you don't want that and I'm sure people who know you don't. I don't because I've seen how much you've changed and your attitude has improved just from talking to you since you've moved out.

Really push your self Tom. It won't be easy, probably won't be pleasant either but do it and the rewards will be great.

There's no way I could do an apprenticeship in my current state though, I couldn't do the long hours or live on an apprentice wage. Plus I couldn't do site work because of food and toilet issues. Pretty much the same reasons I never done one before, it's not so much the work (though I'm not keen on the responsibility of electrics admittedly) but the 'social' aspect of work. I naively thought that would change to an extent but it doesn't seem to have done at all.

You are right, I won't be surprised if I end up back at home at the beginning of next year. Whilst moving out has improved some things, if it hasn't altered my ability to work then I'll have no choice but to go back home. That's a bridge to cross when it comes though.

[Redordead89]

Do you smoke Tom?? Not cigs!

[Midnightclub]

Do you smoke Tom?? Not cigs!

Not going to happen.. It's been suggested before lol

[Redordead89]

Sound just a thought!

[cully]

FFS he needs to sort himself out not get himself into a whole new problem with drugs

can't even believe you suggested this

[Redordead89]

Hi Cully, not trying to cause any problems at all as it doesn't always have a negative effect on all who do!
How about calms? Legal non prescriptive chill pills! Might just take the edge off enough to make an approach for a job!

FFS he needs to sort himself out not get himself into a whole new problem with drugs

can't even believe you suggested this
I think by this point all and any suggestions to try help the lad are likely welcome and can be dismissed or taken on board at his choice! No disrespect meant just a suggestion that can help in some cases!

[Toms306]

Each to thier own, I don't have a problem with anyone else doing it, does seem to work for some. Not something I'm willing to try though.

[Redordead89]

Tom, sorry if my suggestion caused any offence as it wasn't meant to!
If you would like me to I will grab an application form from my branch and post it down to you and you can hand it in whenever you feel up to it!
If this will help just PM me your address and I'll get one off to you ASAP!

[Toms306]

Didn't cause any offence to me...you've gotta try pretty hard to offend me tbh.

I appreciate the offer but should probably keep trying to go in there ask myself really.

[bashbarnard]

I think you should buy a motorhome with a toilet on. Sign write it with toms daig and rock round with that. That way you could nip to the loo whenever.


Or a van and a bucket but this is less cool.

[Midnightclub]

FFS he needs to sort himself out not get himself into a whole new problem with drugs

can't even believe you suggested this

There's this thing called moderation, you can do something not to excess, you know? It's not heroin ffs. That's a typical 'old school' view though, so not surprising.

As someone who personally suffers with issues similar but not to the same degree, it helps and that's why it was suggested.

[bigcheez2k3]

I think you should buy a motorhome with a toilet on. Sign write it with toms daig and rock round with that. That way you could nip to the loo whenever.


Or a van and a bucket but this is less cool.

That could work. My dad's mate has a small portable toilet in his van so if he needs to go he can.

[cully]

FFS he needs to sort himself out not get himself into a whole new problem with drugs

can't even believe you suggested this

There's this thing called moderation, you can do something not to excess, you know? It's not heroin ffs. That's a typical 'old school' view though, so not surprising.

As someone who personally suffers with issues similar but not to the same degree, it helps and that's why it was suggested.

in moderation or not
i may have old school views but

IT IS illegal to possess, smoke, grow or sell !

[Danny Wideboy]

FFS he needs to sort himself out not get himself into a whole new problem with drugs

can't even believe you suggested this

There's this thing called moderation, you can do something not to excess, you know? It's not heroin ffs. That's a typical 'old school' view though, so not surprising.

As someone who personally suffers with issues similar but not to the same degree, it helps and that's why it was suggested.

in moderation or not
i may have old school views but

IT IS illegal to possess, smoke, grow or sell !

Have you ever broken the speed limit Cully?

[cully]

FFS he needs to sort himself out not get himself into a whole new problem with drugs

can't even believe you suggested this

There's this thing called moderation, you can do something not to excess, you know? It's not heroin ffs. That's a typical 'old school' view though, so not surprising.

As someone who personally suffers with issues similar but not to the same degree, it helps and that's why it was suggested.

in moderation or not
i may have old school views but

IT IS illegal to possess, smoke, grow or sell !

Have you ever broken the speed limit Cully?

NO! not on a public road

A criminal record could have a devastating impact on your life, both personally and professionally.

[Midnightclub]

Sure you haven't

Well, just like speeding its a good idea to not get caught.

For some people, the benefits it brings to their quality of life outweighs the potential legal consequences

[Redordead89]

Sorry bout all this Tom :-(

---

What about Thompson local, yellow pages, phone book deliveries? Or leaflet dropping for anyone who needs it?

[zx_volcane]

Think everyone is wandering slightly off topic, morals aside, Tom has said what he thinks about tomato sandwiches. Best leave it there or save it for another debate?

Is that a fact or your opinion?

I'm not sure there is a tool for that is there? Can I just bodge it with a hammer instead?

In all seriousness though, I do kind of agree. I thought I'd be able to do certain things by now that I still can't and don't seem to be able to make any progress in some areas at all. Not really sure what the solution is there though.

opinion of course

Loads of tools out there, don't think they're hammer shaped though.

Would be mega surprised if you haven't been recommended cognitive behavioural therapy before by a doctor, and you can totes get loads of free help with that on NHS.

Plenty of other things too

[Toms306]

I have had CBT, went through a lot of hassle, stress and a huge waiting list to find it was completely useless. It was basically some guy telling me I need to go out more (albeit in a few more words) as if I didn't know that. Honestly, one of my 'tasks' was to go to a coffee shop and sit in there until I no longer felt anxious...they would've closed before that happened. Needless to say it didn't last long, he couldn't be bothered to meet me after the first session, as I couldn't do the distance to their office at the time, so we only had one face to face meeting and then damn telephones which didn't help at all... By the 4th call I couldn't answer it and subsequently received a letter saying I'd been removed from their books.

I know the theory behind CBT and have been doing a DIY form since, which has helped in certain areas (hence getting to a lot of car shows and stuff lately). Unfortunately the areas I'm still struggling with are not all mental, and the ones that are, are things that I couldn't explain or couldn't face talking about to the GP or CBT therapist. They are the areas where I could do with help - but until I'm able to explain them, that's obviously impossible.

Other than CBT all I've been offered is pills, which I can't take because of the OCD. In all honesty I don't like the idea of pills or any sort of meds either but that's not for this thread.

On the IBS side, nothing will be done until I can have blood tests taken, well that's not gonna happen after passing out, falling over cm's from a radiator and getting a bad neck/back and carpet burn across my face the last time I had a jab. I've never liked needles, but that really done it tbh!

[procta]

tom, what makes you think you failed the interview? just because your mind goes a blank doesn't mean anything! After all they will know that your nervous anyway!
Also as for the delivery side of things, just go in and ask for a menu and then just ask are you taking on extra drivers? Simple as that! What is the worst they are going to say? Sorry we are not at the current time, or This shop isn't but our other shop is,
I know its hard pal, I have had to make a hard choice, as you know, and I have been with the place for 12 years! So I am going to be very nervous about starting a new job and meeting new people etc. But then again, I meet new people when I am at work and I have to serve them if they need anything.
Best thing you can do to boost your self, is go into a charity shop and ask if they need help, Gives you some experience, with people. You might have to do it for free, but its experience.

[RetroPug]

Can you be assured that CBT is useless after one session?

Now that you are able to do longer distances it seems like it would be worthwhile trying it again with an open mind.

[Toms306]

tom, what makes you think you failed the interview? just because your mind goes a blank doesn't mean anything! After all they will know that your nervous anyway!
Also as for the delivery side of things, just go in and ask for a menu and then just ask are you taking on extra drivers? Simple as that! What is the worst they are going to say? Sorry we are not at the current time, or This shop isn't but our other shop is,
I know its hard pal, I have had to make a hard choice, as you know, and I have been with the place for 12 years! So I am going to be very nervous about starting a new job and meeting new people etc. But then again, I meet new people when I am at work and I have to serve them if they need anything.
Best thing you can do to boost your self, is go into a charity shop and ask if they need help, Gives you some experience, with people. You might have to do it for free, but its experience.

It was more than just blanking tbh. I made quite a few fails. I couldn't make eye contact with the interviewer (I always struggle with eye contact though). I came over lightheaded a couple of times and had to steady myself grabbing the desk (god knows what she thought I was doing!). I didn't have any questions to ask at the end, despite her asking 3 times. I didn't answer any of the questions properly that I remember. I kept stuttering and getting words stuck. It was like GSCE English orals again!! As I say...it did not go well. If I was the interviewer I wouldn't give me a job.

Sad thing is I genuinely thought I was able to do it before getting there.

Can you be assured that CBT is useless after one session?

Now that you are able to do longer distances it seems like it would be worthwhile trying it again with an open mind.

Technically 3 sessions, but yeah it doesn't work for everyone... I honestly thought there was more to it than just doing stuff you struggle with...there isn't. I'm capable of doing that myself anyway - I'd already been doing it before going to all the hassle of seeing someone to tell me to do what I was already trying to do...

There is also a vicious circle here - I do think some sort of therapy (ERP rather than CBT maybe) would help with my medical phobias, which affect a lot more than you'd think. Problem is I'm unlikely to be able to do that until I can last an hour in a stressful situation without cacking myself... Of course I could have the blood tests done and find a solution to my bowel issues...but that won't be possible until I can get over the medical fears...the whole point behind trying the ERP in the first place...

[cully]

maybe you could wear piggys dogs bark collar and every time you stray to the bog or have bad thoughts someone electrocutes you

[1616six]

Take up online poker. My manager won 10k in one session, he drives a 350z and has a dog called Brian.

[Toms306]

maybe you could wear piggys dogs bark collar and every time you stray to the bog or have bad thoughts someone electrocutes you

Think Id die of electrocution pretty quickly...

Take up online poker. My manager won 10k in one session, he drives a 350z and has a dog called Brian.

Hmm, I think online roulette is more my kinda thing... Or maybe I should just start buying scratchcards again...

[RetroPug]

On sports betting sites if you take their free bets for signing up, you can just bet on "almost guaranteed" wins. Eg. team is winning 3-0 at football and it is minute 79, just before they stop taking bets on them to win the odds will be really low.

Your return on a tenner or your 25 free bet will be like 3p or something, but if you keep doing it your balance grows and that tiny percentage you get for winning equates to 20p each time or whatever. If you keep placing and winning these bets then over time you'll build up a big balance.

Withdraw and leave some in to start over. If you lose it all, no matter, you started with free money, and there are tens of other sites out there who give you free starting money.