OC bad joke club

[toseland]

What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?  Oh sheet!

I swallowed a little food colouring last night.. went to the doctor and he said I would be ok, but I feel like I dyed a little bit inside.

[Eeyore]

... jesus christ...

[Jimmy306uk]

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea

[bashbarnard]

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs.


Still no idea!!

[RetroPug]

I thought these would be 306-related jokes.

[bashbarnard]

I thought these would be 306-related jokes.

Hahaha that ones hilarious.

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Did you here the one about the magic tractor?
It was driving down the road when suddenly it turned into a field!

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How did the blonde try and kill her goldfish?
Tried to drown it

How did the blonde try and kill a seagull?

Threw it off a cliff.


Two men walk into a bar.
Ouch

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Did you here about the 2 guys that stole a calender?
They both got 6 months.

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.

Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven was a registered six offender.

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I feel like I've got carried away.

[7057sam]

Come on people I need somthing mildly offensive

[bashbarnard]

I can do offensive as hell. But really don't want to step on any toes. Or get the forum flagged as unsuitable. I'll pm you a bad one.

[impotentials]

2 men at a bar on the 30th floor of a hotel.
1st man at the bar asks the bartender for a shot of magic flying vodka.
necks it, runs to the window and jumps out.

5 minutes later he runs back into the bar, sits down and proceeds to order another shot of magic flying vodka. Again straight after he runs to the window and jumps out.

the second man at the bar wonders what the hell is going on, within five minutes the 1st man returns again and sits down.

the 2nd man asks him what is happening and how he is doing this.
the 1st man replies saying this is the only bar in the world that sells magic flying vodka and persuades the man to have a go.
he orders a shot, goes up to the window, jumps and falls to his death.......


the bartender says. You can be such a dick when you're pissed Superman........

[Pebbles167]

What do you call a man with big glasses?

Seymour.

[WiNgNuTz]

What's brown and sticky?


A stick!

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What's the difference between a tuna, a piano, and a pot of glue?

You can tuna piano, but you cant piano a tuna!

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When Jay-Z got engaged to his wife, did he call her his Feyonce?

[bigcheez2k3]

What is the difference between Marmalade and Jam?

I can't Marmalade my cock up your arse.

[Poodle]

Brilliant idea, Toseland!

Why did the elephant paint it's balls red?

To hide in a cherry tree

What's the noisiest sound in the jungle?

Tarzan eating cherries.

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Anyone heard the three-legged chicken joke...?

[Dum-Dum]

What is the difference between Marmalade and Jam?

I can't Marmalade my cock up your arse.

Best

Joke

EVER

!!!!





What do you call a bloke with a spade in his head?
Doug!



How is a monk like a Christmas tree?
Their balls are just for decoration.



What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A Fsh.

[PartyJas]

Whats the difference between a fridge and a woman....

A fridge doesn't fart when you take the meat out.

[xudlingo]

Like this thread lol

[toseland]

Whats the difference between a calander, and Dumdum?

The calender has dates!

[bashbarnard]

Had to.....

[Matt]

why did sally fall off the swing?
she had no arms


knock knock

whos there?

not sally

[ADV_93]

What do you call a bloke with no shins?

Tony

[WiNgNuTz]

Whats the difference between a fridge and a woman....

A fridge doesn't fart when you take the meat out.

[Dum-Dum]

I'm only fat cos every time I f*ck your mum she gives me a biscuit.





Thought I saw a loaf of bread with your name on it the other day. Turns out it just said "Thick Cut"!

[Uberderv]

What's got 10 legs and makes women scream?
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Gang ra[p]e.






What's the difference between 10 dead babies and a Jag?
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I ain't got a Jag in t'garage.
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Why is the sea so salty?.
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.Because of sperm whales.
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thank you and goodnight.

[highwayman306]

How offensive can these jokes be? I know some REALLY bad ones but i am refraining from putting them on here....

[Niall]

How offensive can these jokes be? I know some REALLY bad ones but i am refraining from putting them on here....

Not hugely offensive. Remember its a publicly viewable forum

[highwayman306]

I won't put the ones i know up then some are so horrible i actually hate telling them

[rtha6551]

Have you heard about that fight at the chippy the other day? 

Someone got battered....

[PartyJas]

I went to a fancy dress party as a loaf of bread on saturday.................


the birds were all over me.

[WiNgNuTz]

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (this is so bad, it's good... ) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

[bashbarnard]

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (this is so bad, it's good... ) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Amazing