Housemate's just bought a new car.

[Norledge]

Oh hai.

Ruan, STFU.

It's slow.. But It's Gurt Lush
It sounds shit even with a decat and TWIN TIP DTM BACKBOX Y0000! Subtle, because it's been bent up behind the rear bumper. Dhurr.
It leaks Thats just gash juice, from all the scuff
Electric Roof doesn't work Manual Roof = Workout
Steering Rack is f*cked Errr... It's the pump actually.
Windows don't go down The N/S one doesn't work, but only when you're in the car...
Central locking is f*cked That's Anti-Hijack
We killed the head unit on the way home All those power ballads you insisted on playing. The stereo sacarificed itself to save my dignity
Does 27mpg Meh, thats 7 more than most of my cars
It's a HORRIBLE green But It's Gurt Lush
It's a Mk3 Golf... But It's Cabby
It's got 113hp - HOW can you get that little power from a 2.0 8v engine? Even the 2.0 8v XSi was 122hp, and that's a terrible engine. It's all about the talks yoh.
It's badged a GTi with 113hp - HOW?! GTi - Gurt Tidy interior
It doesn't handle - AT ALL even though it's on some Spax shocks... Significantly worse than a stock 306 with all components f*cked. TWISTY BARRRR!!!!
The heater controls are all f*cked Who needs cold air when you can drop the hood yoh!?
Half the dash lights don't work Only the bit that lights up the fuel gauge, with 27mpgz who needs to see that!?
It smells f*cking awful because it leaks That was your bumhole seeping with excitement
The cloth on the seats is disintegrating worse than a 306s side bolster Lightweight innit.
It's VAGaygay But I can use VAGCOM now!!