Time for a Fresh Start - Updated Page 3, Jan 2013

[Toms306]

Didnt read all the comments so i apologise if this sounds out of place.
The one bit that stood out to me was the step dad bit. Im in same-ish siuation. Im 19, living with mum and her husband (dont call that prick my step dad), i work part time, earn 40quid a week etc lol...
But anyway you shouldnt be afraid of either of them coming home to tell you off, dude your 20, tell them to stick there heads up there asses if they got a problem.. I might not say that to my mum but that fat lady garden that lives here aswell i definately would!
I dont really have much else to say, you gotta remember theres milions of people in this country alone and gon only knows how many are in the same boat. Your definately not alone. And hell you got a forum full of us here to take the piss help out etc
But all i can say is i hope you get sorted.

And i also think the thing about having your own glasses is awesome. Our dishwasher is shit and im forever washing glass's/digging out the clean ones and putting dirty ones back for another wash lol

The problem with that is I can't really stand up for myself can I - I pay nothing towards the bills so they have a point.

Plus my step dad (well theyre not married so I guess its my mums boyfriend still lol) isn't really any of my buisness, if my Mum likes him and wants to keep a Northerner down here thats entirely up to her. My Dads kept most of the Ipswich African community in Visa's now so I'm not sure which is worse tbh lol.

Lol we don't have a dishwasher, they're for rich people. I'd keep my own plates and cuttlery if we had the space though - genuinely don't know how they manage to get more food on the f*cking 'clean' stuff than the dirty stuff!

Right, first of all I won't comment on the mental health stuff. I have no experience of it besides some anger issues so I won't give advice.

The moving out thing I can comment on. First, you need a job, any job. Take the first thing you can find and use the wage to move out. I know you want a job that ticks your boxes but the only people who can be picky about work is those that have it. This may require a lot of manning up, but it's the only way.

Secondly, you need somewhere to live. Speak to your council and say mental health issues mean you need a council flat, it's worth a go. If not, look at studio flats somewhere with plenty of work, and sell your car. It's an expense you can't justify.

I'm not a touchy feely sensitive person so I'm sorry if that comes across a bit blunt, but I am genuinely concerned. If you've considered suicide then help is needed.

Don't worry about being blunt, you've really gotta be trying hard to offend me lol.

With getting the first job, that completely wouldn't work atm - 'manning up' isn't actually a solution, if I could've just manned up I woulda done by now. I do appreciate if you can't necessarily understand that though.

Selling the car would happen if I moved close enough to a town to not need it any longer, I'd already thought of that. Until I could get enough money sorted to go petrol anyway. But then saying that, if I've got no car to spend on I've completely lost all incentive for earning the money, thats a tricky one actually.

Another thought have you considered setting up your own "business"

Either as a cleaner (do a couple of hours here and there at various old peoples gaffs), A dog walker or doing house/garden clearance (youll need a waste carriers licence for that though) or a handy man / odd job man / flat pack furniture assembler or all of the above.

Most of these are things where your attention to detail and liking to be left alone could be considered as skills / valuable attributes.

I tried when I had the trailer, advertised flyers up all round the local villages (theres about 8 villages round here) for gardening, car/window cleaning etc. I can't do general cleaning, too squeamish for that - I gag just cleaning the soap scum off the kitchen sink...and cleaning the bog is done with extremely thick gloves and the brush at arms length...holding my breath. And whatever that rank banana/baby food stuff was in the Avensis - yeah I couldn't even go near it, just taped up the cubby hole where it was and left it lol. I realise how daft it seems as I can mess about with cars all day getting covered in diesel/oil/shit etc and not bothered - until I get home, and straight in the shower with a scouring pad lol.

But anyway, do you know how many calls I got for the services I'd advertised? One - And even that one I couldn't answer the phone, had to let it go to voicemail, and didn't have the confidence to ring her back either.

I do gardening jobs for a few old ladies who my nan knows and also a few dog duties - but anything I'd have to do myself through phones I just haven't got the confidence to do it.

I have had IBS since I was 10. 3-4 times a week for 12 years I've been crippled with stomach cramps and left palming people out of the way of the toilet. I just take a paracetamol and an Imodium. It's hell at times but you've just to get it out and carry on. As someone said exercise helps with stress in turn helps IBS. I've started going on a half mile run at 5am when I'm up for work and I must admit its reduced the amount of times I get the pains and shits. So would defiantly recommend this.

When I was fist diagnosed with it the docs thought I was wheat intolerant like a few other family members. Same symptoms but its from wheat. Maybe with looking into online?.

But in all fairness I think you need to visit your GP ASAP and tell all. Everything is treatable and there are specialist people out there to help.

Dont think I'll be going for a run at 5am lol. I would walk every day though if we still had the dog. People look at you like you're a peado if you just walk round for no reason though - theres nothing down here so the only reasons for walking are the dog or the pub lol. But also I don't want to bump into anyone I knew from school round here.

I had thought about wheat intolerance or similar. I kept a food diary but couldn't work anything out from it as you can't really tell whats food related or stress related. I do have a massive problem with food though, basically because things like onions/garlic/mustard/pepper badly affect me - but you try buying anything in a packet from the shop without any of those ingredients in! So I'm having to eat things that I know could be dodgy. The other thing thats bad for it is grease, can't eat any fried stuff or chip shop chips because it will literally be coming out before I've finished the meal.

And I can't cook well at all - plus the OCD implications of proper cooking are ridiculous - things most of you wont think about - the germs on food packets, the germs on cupboard/drawer handles, the germs on oven/toaster knobs. I know its ridiculous, but even something as simple as making toast, I have to open the butter, the bread and the cupboard/drawer that I'll need. Then wash my hands (several times), and dry them on kitchen roll as a towel could be dirty, then put the bread in the toaster making sure not to actually touch anything except the bread, close cupboards etc with elbows, removed toast and butter it then put everything else away with the left hand - keeping the right hand 'clean' to eat the toast with. Then I've gotta go through all that shit again when I want something else to eat.

So I'm almost scared to eat anything now - I know so many things ruin my guts, if its not food its stress, and its got to the point now where I can't be arsed with it and ofetn skip meals. I wont have any lunch if I'm out or gotta go out in the afternoon.

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Not really read all the posts Tom and I'm not going to offer advice on matters I don't have much experience in but IMO a job even a part time job will help with more than just money. Just to get you out of the situation for a few hours a day and keep your mind on other things.
Have you thought about doing courier work? You have the 'state so you've got the space.
I know yodel are looking for staff over the Xmas period and I heard its not too bad money either.
Just a thought bud.

Yeah I have thought about that, or a delivery driver for Jayar/ECP/GSF. But the problem is they are still miles away, the depot's are over 15 miles from home - due to the peninsula where I live, I have to go to Ipswich before going anywhere else, and I'd then be sent further in the 'wrong' direction most of the time. And the courier companies all have couriers round here already, I know then all now with selling so many parts on ebay lol. Plus I've put in CVs for ECP when I see their notice up and get nothing back at all.

Just a thought, is there not a forum for OCD/IBS/anxiety suffers. That could help

you never know you might meet a nice girl on there.

There are a few but they aren't very good. And to be honest they tend to be full of very negative people, and you end up being dragged down by everyone else's problem. In this instance I don't think forums are all that good - trust me.

Tom - I will get around to answering your PM, sorry it's taken a while but I want/need to think carefully about what I say (if that makes sense?).

However, one thing I read that has always stuck with me is thus; all the way through your post you talk about fighting it etc etc. And where has that got you? Not very far in all honesty? So, stop fighting? And by that I don't mean give up, I simply mean stop fighting yourself because you won't win. You will spend a lot more energy trying to "beat" yourself when in reality you never will, and you end up spending more time doing that. If you "give in" and let the anxiety/panic wash over you, you will quickly discover that there is very little to be afraid of.

An anxiety/panic attack is simply a build up of adrenaline, and (if allowed to follow its natural course) will last only 20minutes or so, but by fighting it it will last much longer.

So, like I say, stop fighting it, let it wash over you and it will disappear as quickly as it came. This isn't easy, and is completely the opposite of what your body/brain is screaming at you but once you master it it becomes an invaluable tool.


Finally, I don't think CBT will work for you, simply because I don't think it's a very effective treatment for anxiety. Having said that, it is free to do it, so do it. You have nothing to lose, even if it does take several months on the waiting list before you get seen.

Have you done much research online in to how to overcome/control anxiety/OCD/IBS?

Tbh I hadn't thought about just letting a panic attack go tbh, maybe I'll try it next time, I'm not sure its even possible though?? Its just like it uncontrollably takes over. I have done plenty of research into it over the last few years, and have found a few small tips (mainly breathing!) to help with things but nothing substantial enough to make much difference. They all have the same answers of reducing stress - but that in itself isn't easy!

In all honesty Martin I don't think the CBT will change anything - I can't talk about this stuff in real life anyway, so why would I be able to say it to a complete stranger? I can type it all out but I'd never speak about it outside of the forum, even to the same people. But that said I don't know what else I can try and I'm getting fairly desperate now, clutching at straws I guess.

Just a thought, is there not a forum for OCD/IBS/anxiety suffers. That could help

you never know you might meet a nice girl on there.

There are a few but they aren't very good. And to be honest they tend to be full of very negative people, and you end up being dragged down by everyone else's problem. In this instance I don't think forums are all that good - trust me.

good point. them sort of forums are usually full of people with the same issue and no one to help. at least on here, you can get a fresh view of it all from someone on "the outside" if you get me.

Totally agree, I tried 'nomorepanic' forum last year and felt worse, its full of depressive people who are all in the same boat, and although it's good for seeing other people do/have the same things it's not good for solutions imo.