Job Hunt and Health Issues

[Toms306]

So I've been to the Job Centre to claim JSA today...definitely the worst idea I've had and a huge waste of time and bog roll.

After being sent to the wrong building, so arriving at the correct one late and still having to wait, we quickly realised than I'm completely f*cking useless and incapable and shouldn't have been applying for JSA, yet I said several times 'don't bother then, it's wasting both our time' but they insisted we finished it, running over making other people late as well.

The terms I have to meet now are - going to the doctors for diagnosis, a 3 hour group meeting next week and an extra one on one meeting tagged onto that.

Never gonna happen.

Need to vent... FFFFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK.

That's better.


I don't even care about the money, I genuinely thought they'd have been able to help and advise where I've now hit a brick wall.

[ozpug]

Do you have Uber in the UK?

[Toms306]

Don't think so, or at least I've not heard of it!

[bigcheez2k3]

We do, I've considered being an Uber driver. I'm in London though, Tom is in bum f*ck nowhere so I doubt there is any.

[Toms306]

Lol, I'm not out in the sticks anymore, townie now. Still not heard of that though lol.

[swampy]

So I've been to the Job Centre to claim JSA today...definitely the worst idea I've had and a huge waste of time and bog roll.

After being sent to the wrong building, so arriving at the correct one late and still having to wait, we quickly realised than I'm completely f*cking useless and incapable and shouldn't have been applying for JSA, yet I said several times 'don't bother then, it's wasting both our time' but they insisted we finished it, running over making other people late as well.

The terms I have to meet now are - going to the doctors for diagnosis, a 3 hour group meeting next week and an extra one on one meeting tagged onto that.  

Never gonna happen.  

Need to vent...  FFFFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK.

That's better.


I don't even care about the money, I genuinely thought they'd have been able to help and advise where I've now hit a brick wall.


tom, we haven't met or spoke much but I have read numerous threads by you and it comes over( and don't take this the wrong way)but that you want everything and nothing at the same time.
these people you speak to can help you but YOU have to want them too help you they can't do it all for you.
my partner has severe IBS ( amongst other things) but she copes with it, she works full time aswell
every job suggestion any one has put in this thread you have a lame excuse for
go to the doctor do what they ask , complete the course of therapy if your still no better then you can dismiss it but the people advising you on this have a lot of experiance and qualifications in what they do
you are going to get no where in life if you dont take the bull by the horns give yourself a slap around the face and take on board the advice your given and the help they are offering 
don't just go one once and say it's no help complete the course

[Redordead89]

Hey Tom, Might be a good thing it didn't go to plan cos they'd have stuck you in a 5 days a week 10 til 4 job club and threatened you with losing it for not turning up or being late back from lunch and trust me some of the dudes and junkie shoplifters you'll be sitting in the office with!!! Damn grim places!
It doesn't bear thinking about for you bud! :-(

[bigcheez2k3]

Lol, I'm not out in the sticks anymore, townie now.  Still not heard of that though lol.

Still bum f*ck nowhere compared to here

[lolsteve]

Right so they suggest you go to the doctor and ask you to go to a couple of meetings and you just instantly say no?
You have to make the effort and it just seems you passing everything off since no one has just handed you a magical fix everything pill yet

Realize that just going to some meetings is not a big deal the rest of us are dealing with much greater things in our jobs

Personally I got hit with the bomb shell yesterday that I need to try and save the company half a million quid that we dont have by using the optimization software that I've been using none stop for 7 months.
I was only suppose to be using it for 2 weeks to help someone else out who then quit because the software/job is that bad so I got lumped with all the responsibility.
I complained about it 2 months ago in my appraisal where it was noted by the manager on my report that the work I'm doing is mundane, i was then promised I'd be off it by the end of july. Now its coming up to the end of august and they still haven't found someone to replace me
the work is involving hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of steel/paint and if i cock up it means there's structural members out there that could buckle and collapse when the building is assembled or have people standing around inside but because im the only one who seems to know how to use the software it means no one is checking my work. Therefore when ive had to check over the hundreds of beams ive done myself im finding costly errors
Also Ive been without a car for 2 weeks since the pricks who posted off my last headgasket bent it to make it fit in the packaging and the replacement isnt getting here til monday so i dont have the weekend to sort it. So without a car I'm walking 40 minutes to work every day through spider webs and mud (shortcut is through a country park)

Now that is a vent.

[Toms306]

tom, we haven't met or spoke much but I have read numerous threads by you and it comes over( and don't take this the wrong way)but that you want everything and nothing at the same time.
these people you speak to can help you but YOU have to want them too help you they can't do it all for you.
my partner has severe IBS ( amongst other things) but she copes with it, she works full time aswell
every job suggestion any one has put in this thread you have a lame excuse for
go to the doctor do what they ask , complete the course of therapy if your still no better then you can dismiss it but the people advising you on this have a lot of experiance and qualifications in what they do
you are going to get no where in life if you dont take the bull by the horns give yourself a slap around the face and take on board the advice your given and the help they are offering 
don't just go one once and say it's no help complete the course

I'm not even sure what that means tbh? Everything and nothing? I don't know what I want myself tbh, though I do know what I think I want, I usually don't... If you can work that one out do let me know!

They weren't interested in helping yesterday, they were just interested in filling out a rigid form because presumably they get paid for each one they fill or something, I don't know, but there was no point filling it in. She told me I should've been applying for ESA so why didn't she just let me go within 5 mins and re-apply for that instead? Fair enough I made the mistake applying for the wrong one (overestimating my abilities though it may not come across on here like that) but it's not my job to know which I should be applying for!

You make a very good point about your missus' IBS - she can cope with it... It may be worse than mine, it may not, I obviously don't know, but the fact she can cope with it is what makes the difference here. I can't really cope with anything, again I don't know why some people cope better with things than others, but how do you change that? Within the CBT I was told 'sh*tting myself in public is likely to happen eventually but there are worse things'...extremely helpful...not... Don't forget that part of my OCD is illness/medically based - I can't stand or cope with being ill at all, it's not just physically that I struggle with the IBS, it causes hell with the OCD as well, maybe that's why I struggle more with it than other people?

The 'course' of therapy was 6 sessions on the NHS, I done 4...if theres no difference after more than half the course it's clearly not working.

I do agree with that last point though, I don't expect to get anywhere in life, I can't cope with life in all honesty, I don't understand a lot of things that most people take for granted, I put in a lot of effort to do so (which doesn't appear to come across on here) but make absolutely no progress.

Right so they suggest you go to the doctor and ask you to go to a couple of meetings and you just instantly say no?
You have to make the effort and it just seems you passing everything off since no one has just handed you a magical fix everything pill yet

Realize that just going to some meetings is not a big deal the rest of us are dealing with much greater things in our jobs

No, it's nowhere near as simple as that.

Just visiting a GP is really more than I can cope with for a few reasons which I wont go over again. But they also won't diagnose IBS without bloodtests to rule out other things, well needles are probably about number 3 or 4 on the massive list of phobias I have with blood also being on the list. I hope that at some point in the future I can 'get over' it enough to have tests and jabs that are necessary (I'm currently open to a few deadly diseases ) but that's not going to be any time soon and it's definitely not going to be before Tuesday! Maybe it seems like I'm just dismissing it but I'm just being realistic tbh.

As for the meetings - firstly I can't deal with groups or crowds, regardless of who they are. Plus I'm expected to do 4 hours of meetings in one - currently I can't stay out more than 2 hours at a time for a 'leisure' event, what chance is there of being able to that in a stressful situation!? Again, being realistic there isn't any chance of that is there. Yesterday I was only at the centre an hour and a half and left clenching and had to rush home for another half hour toilet visit. That was after over an hour in there before leaving! Which brings me on to another point that I hadn't really thought about until the lady said it yesterday - how am I expecting to do 5 hour shifts if I can't do 2 hours out at a time? She's right, I'm a f*cking idiot, of course I can't!

Ironically, even if there was a pill to fix everything I wouldn't be able to take it.

Your last statement does annoy me a bit though, of course other people have more stressful things to deal with - presumably you chose the job knowing that was the case? Presumably you cope with stress better than me? I don't know how people do cope with things, I don't know why some people cope better than others? But it does come down to coping again, if you can't cope with something, you can't cope with it, it makes no difference if other people have bigger things to cope with...we're not all the same.




Unfortunately I can see this thread is just going to end up like the previous ones. I can't seem to explain myself properly or not come across as a c*nt - which makes it impossible for those of you that aren't me to be able to understand or see things from my POV. It's so obvious from a lot of the replies that it's not understood, and I know people are only trying to help, and it's completely my fault that I can't get it across in an understandable way, but I don't think theres much point continuing with this thread. The visit yesterday was a major reality check, I still can't cope with life or work and that hasn't improved at all since moving. I don't know what I'm going to do next, but I do know if I can't earn ~£800 a month by December I'll be moving back home. Realistically it's not gonna happen, I may as well start packing now.

[cully]

**Yawn**

 morning Tom



you won't go to doctors
you won't go to Job centre
you wont go to help clinics

but you will turn to the internet for help..................

IMO your looking to the wrong place the first three should be your first call

you wouldn't ask a FB mechanic to fix your car would you................Oh!...wait...

[Redordead89]

Mate you should be on the sick with your issues not going looking for JSA as they will force you to do stuff you ain't ready for! You got to try overcome one or two of the 3 points in your last post before going near the JC otherwise they will severely screw you around or worse

[Toms306]

**Yawn**

 morning Tom



you won't go to doctors
you won't go to Job centre
you wont go to help clinics

but you will turn to the internet for help..................

IMO your looking to the wrong place the first three should be your first call

you wouldn't ask a FB mechanic to fix your car would you................Oh!...wait...

As with the doctors, I find garages to be useless as well and avoid them at all costs. I would rather ask a member on here through FB to fix something that I couldn't.

I've been to the docs and job centre and not got anywhere. I'm not sure what you mean by help clinincs but if you mean therapy I've tried that also.

The internet is full of billions of people...statistics say some of them must've been through the same thing at some point! Much more useful than someone that's learnt about it from books at Uni...

Mate you should be on the sick with your issues not going looking for JSA as they will force you to do stuff you ain't ready for! You got to try overcome one or two of the 3 points in your last post before going near the JC otherwise they will severely screw you around or worse

Well I know that now lol. Thing is I do want to work, I can't stand the boredom and uselessness of not working, but from what she yesterday it seems like going on ESA is a longer term thing - as I say, £50 a week isn't much use compared to £200 a week living costs, I want help into work, not being handed money every couple of weeks. But as she said, there's very little work I could do and would be best off being self employed in something - but I've tried that before as well without results.

I want to cancel the JSA claim but don't know how to do it atm (presumably a telephone involved, sigh ).

[Matt-Rallye]

Tom you do seem abit of a smart arse with an answer & reason for saying no to everything so why do you bother asking?

[lolsteve]

Im with the job as a graduate meaning I should still be learning and having minor work to do with it being checked over with a variety of different tasks like the other two guys who joked the same time as me have. 
I regards to stress I'm terrible with it, have had to restrain myself from smashing the monitors on several occasions or just breaking down to tears at my desk because I can't take it anymore but I force myself to ccontinue on because others have it worse
In terms of bathroom issues back school I could not use the bathroom even for a piss. So I would stop drinking fluids during the day so I wouldn't have to go eveb during the sunmer. Passed out a few times because of it eventually had to force myselfto adjust 
TheThe first 2 years of dating Alicia I wouldn't go for a shit when she was around , eventually I had to go and it's been getting better since. 
Also with spicy food if I think,see, smell anything with a hunt of spice I break out into a chronic sweat. Still eat it though as I like the taste but need a towel to dry myself off afterwards 

S you're not alone with bathroom issues. Maybe were not as bad but everyone hhas problems tat we work to sort out

[1616six]

Can you not be gassed to sleep in order to have blood taken?

You've got to force yourself Tom, but the issue you have is that you're the one that can make yourself stop, or give up.

Do you want to sort this once and for all? What would you do if you were physically dragged, held down and forced to have a blood test in order to diagnose/prescribe meds even in liquid form?

[Toms306]

Tom you do seem abit of a smart arse with an answer & reason for saying no to everything so why do you bother asking?

Honestly because everything suggested I've already tried or at least thought about before. I've been dealing with the same problems since school, albeit have got worse in some areas. So I've spent an awful lot of time trying to find solutions. I guess I'm just hoping eventually someone will say something that I'd never even thought about before...but maybe there isn't anything lol...

Im with the job as a graduate meaning I should still be learning and having minor work to do with it being checked over with a variety of different tasks like the other two guys who joked the same time as me have. 
I regards to stress I'm terrible with it, have had to restrain myself from smashing the monitors on several occasions or just breaking down to tears at my desk because I can't take it anymore but I force myself to ccontinue on because others have it worse
In terms of bathroom issues back school I could not use the bathroom even for a piss. So I would stop drinking fluids during the day so I wouldn't have to go eveb during the sunmer. Passed out a few times because of it eventually had to force myselfto adjust 
TheThe first 2 years of dating Alicia I wouldn't go for a shit when she was around , eventually I had to go and it's been getting better since. 
Also with spicy food if I think,see, smell anything with a hunt of spice I break out into a chronic sweat. Still eat it though as I like the taste but need a towel to dry myself off afterwards 

S you're not alone with bathroom issues. Maybe were not as bad but everyone hhas problems tat we work to sort out

I know I'm not alone with some problems (the ones I've stated on here anyway lol) but I don't know why I can't make progress as I get older as you and others clearly do. There must be 'something' I'm missing, I don't know if its a driving force or motivation or what, but there must be something different!

Can you not be gassed to sleep in order to have blood taken?

You've got to force yourself Tom, but the issue you have is that you're the one that can make yourself stop, or give up.

Do you want to sort this once and for all? What would you do if you were physically dragged, held down and forced to have a blood test in order to diagnose/prescribe meds even in liquid form?

No idea but I wouldn't like being gassed either! I've never even tried helium from a balloon... I really don't like being 'contaminated' with anything, that includes noxious gasses or meds or anything. I'd also hate the loss of control with being put out.

There is no 'sorting once and for all', I've various problems and most will be with me for life, hopefully not at the same degree, but I have to accept that there is no magic cure, which I must admit I still can't accept... I know I'll always be limited by myself which is frustrating and disheartening tbh.

No idea what would happen if I was dragged and forced. But being forced into things hasn't worked before, being forced into things that always ended badly is what started a lot of the avoidance several years ago. Some people swim when thrown in at the deepend, I just sink, or uncontrollably panic, shake, shit myself, weep and just generally make a complete fool of myself. You're welcome to give it a go...but I don't fancy cleaning up afterwards.

[Matt-Rallye]

I can think of something but its usually along the lines of racehorse with broken leg

[Toms306]

Shame they won't do that to people over here! It'll never happen though...some people that have read books about other people think they know what's best as usual. Probably not a topic to open on here though.

[pug306driver]

oh, have a go why don't you...........

tom, you need to see a specialist else you will be badged as a malingerer, which I am sure ( we have never met ) you are not!!!

you will have to see the doctor ( again ) and talk this thru.....maybe CAB could help.

you aint a junky, or piss head ( they get benefits the general public would not believe!!! ) or thief etc etc etc ....but you have a medical problem ( several by the looks ).....

you need to see a specialist dude.

don't give up and for gods sake don't do anything rash !

needles are my fear also, the nurse when taking blood ( diabetic and getting worse ) now uses the smallest needle in the box, or that what she tells me....I have to look away when she puts the needle in ( the dentist aint got a chance in hell!! ) and I didn't "jump" the last time.

The great British public know f88k all about benefits, only when they are told by investigative reporters, the immigrants benefits sent home for there children etc etc etc.....and they fell for the political propaganda very recently, new boss, same as the old boss, we wont get fooled again, by the who!

I have a bad back and am diabetic, something you must tell an employer ( or potential employer at interview ) about, ( the scotish bin wagon driver is  in deeeeep s88t now ). I explained that I can efficiently work as long as I can avoid bending and not sitting down too long, which results in severe back pain, but if I can control my working hieght etc, I can be an efficient member of the work force.

If you have a bad back, if you can truely say that sitting on the sofa, in real pain, darent moving, wondering if you have just taken your last breath, and saying out loud "please god, I just want my life back! ", then you aint got a bad back!

apply that logic to tom why don't you.

I feel well able to work and do not class myself as disabled at all, even if the JC+ suggest I am?

They are currently encouraging me to take pension credits at 59!!  how is that fair on you lot paying all those taxes etc.?? do the jc+ staff and advisor get a bonus for moving me on I wonder??

I bet you didn't know about that did you?

see a specialist tom, bite the bullet.

[Niall]

Right Tom do me a favour and just read back this page of this thread to your self. In your eyes, everything is everyone else's fault. If you're ever going to tackle this, you need to take responsibility for your faults and the actions you need to take. Theres only so much the NHS or job centre can do for you. YOU have to do the hard part.
So lets stat with diagnosing your illnesses. You say you can't stand needles. Neither can i. I do have a phobia of them. Last time i had a blood test i passed out. I was absolutely bricking it before the test. Its a completely irrational fear and thats why i ended up having the blood test. Because i realised that firstly, what really is the worst that can happen from having a blood test and secondly if i don't, the consequences could be SUBSTANTIALLY worse! I understand your fear of needles Tom, i genuinely do but you need to be rational. You're not going to end up dead in seconds as soon as that nurse sticks a needle in you!
So, assuming you've passed that point and you're now actually diagnosed with IBS. Then what? Its not just going to disappear. YOU have to work to live with it just like the majority of other people do. I know of other people who have had a lot worse problems than you Tom and they have worked to live with it because thats what you HAVE to do.
Both the NHS and the Job centre have offered help (help i might add you wouldn't get in most countries so you can't really slag them off and say its their fault its not working) and you're turning your nose up at it before even trying. You don't want it to work. If you did, you would take it on with a more positive mind set. Its never going to be a over night cure and no one said its ever going to be easy. YOU have to put in all that effort which will put you outside of your comfort zone massively. Again, whats the worst that can happen? Lets say you do shit your self because of being out the house too long. So bloody what? You say it will create havoc with your issues. You won't die from sitting in your own shit Tom. If you would, the population would be extinct in a few generations bearing in mind you spend your first few years on this planet sitting in your own shit!

Sorry Tom but I'm starting to loose sympathy for you now. You have plenty of options in front of you to help you manage your situation and you refuse to even consider them. You've got to push your self and get on with it.

[cully]

**Yawn**

 morning Tom



you won't go to doctors
you won't go to Job centre
you wont go to help clinics

but you will turn to the internet for help..................

IMO your looking to the wrong place the first three should be your first call

you wouldn't ask a FB mechanic to fix your car would you................Oh!...wait...

As with the doctors, I find garages to be useless as well and avoid them at all costs.  I would rather ask a member on here through FB to fix something that I couldn't.

I've been to the docs and job centre and not got anywhere.  I'm not sure what you mean by help clinincs but if you mean therapy I've tried that also.

The internet is full of billions of people...statistics say some of them must've been through the same thing at some point!  Much more useful than someone that's learnt about it from books at Uni...

if you dont get any joy from the first doctor see a different one. im sure like my doctors there is more than one in there that take appointments,
then if you dont get what you need there ask for another opinion doctors are there to help you not fob you off
yes therapy if i remember you went once then never turned up again
you will never get help from these people if you miss apointments they will strike you off there list as they are busy people with many like you to deal with
if you dont keep on to them they will assume your better which your clearly not
now get off the bloody internet and go to the doctors and make a feckin appointment and keep it

[Redordead89]

Go get the Domis application Tom, if you can walk in a local shop and buy something then you can do the same in your local branch just ask for an application for drivers shifts instead of asking for a newspaper! Just keep trying and get that chin up going through the door!

[cully]

I think Tom has bigger issues which getting a job wont help to address

[swampy]

Go get the Domis application Tom,  if you can walk in a local shop and buy something then you can do the same in your local branch just ask for an application for drivers  shifts instead of asking for a newspaper! Just keep trying and get that chin up going through the door!

To be honest I don't think he would last long as a takeaway driver of what he has said in this thread is true

Customer phones store "hi on your pizza tracker mine left for delivery twenty minutes ago but it not here yet"

Dominos worker " sorry about that , let me call the driver , I'll use the other phone"

Dominos worker "Tom where Are you ? Customers are complaining there food hasn't arrived "
Tom " sorry boss I had to make a five mile detour home to use the toilet, I'll be there in about ten minutes " ( that is if you answer the phone due to your phobia)
Dominos worker to customer " he will be with you in about ten minutes is that ok?"
Customer " what's the delay? Will my pizza still be hot? And my ice cream still frozen?"

Sorry Tom but you have to get a grip, push yourself and get on with life like thousands of others do with all sorts of ailments do on a daily basis

Stop dismissing all the suggestions , start doing as the specialists ask it won't be easy but you can't carry on like you are and expect your family ( I assume that is who are paying your rent a d living expense at the moment) to support you forever

[Mattcheese31]

Join the Army, they'll straighten you out Tom I know you think you're special and I think in a big way you hang on to your problems as a comfort blanket as people know you as thus, in my opinion nothing could be much worse than the life u describe, u must have next to no self respect, try looking from the perspective of, what doesn't kill u makes u stronger, yes u can fail, yes u may shit your pants, but if u keep it up and keep trying you will 100% succeed, the trick is to do not think, thinking is your enemy, start doing and keep doing for the rest of your life irrespective of the immediate results, then and only then will u start moving forwards, it's not always getting the job or the girl or whatever that matters, it's the learning curve that goes into it. X

[lolsteve]

Perhaps this story will help .

This was the first year of uni in halls, it'd only been a couple of months since we started and people were still getting to know one another so we ordered a curry. Being bradford the curry was dodgey and made some of us feel a bit dicky so we threw out the remains except one lad.
He being a yorkshireman through and through refused to waste it, so he left it out for the day while he went to uni (it was sat on top of the boiler in the sun so was kept mildly warm) he then came home from uni and in his words "half heatedly heated it up" then chowed down.
that night we went to the pub and had a couple of drinks but not too many as he had an exam the next day.

The story then goes he woke during the night with an off feeling tummy so he had a fart and went back to sleep. He then awoke some time later to notice the smell had not gone and he'd infact completely shat himself and the bed. Being the middle of the night he stripped off had a shower, flipped the bed and went back to sleep. in the morning he had no time to sort out the mess so went to his exam again leaving the mess in a pile on the floor all day in a small locked room.

When I saw him that evening he invited me into his room to show me something, where he proceed to kick the pile and reveal the shitty shame with a huge grin on his face.
He didnt try and hide it and told everyone in the flat. he even put the stuff in the communal washing machines and refused to tell us which one he'd used as a sort of sick power trip. while he reused the bedding the pajamas apparently did not pass the "sniff test"
To this day he'll happily tell the story or be in the room when someone else tells it often ending it off with "everybody shits themselves"

This man is my best friend and we lived together for another 3 years after this. No one dislikes him for shitting himself, we just have a laugh and move on
In short, dont worry about it and just go out and live your life

[Toms306]

Just had a reply from the supermarket interview -

Thank you for applying for the role of Customer Assistant - After careful consideration, unfortunately we will not continue your application to the next stage.

Well that's a surprise!


Lots of replies and no time to read them atm I'm not ignoring anyone, will read them later.

[bigcheez2k3]

Was in the pub once and a friend pissed himself. We made a little joke then moved on. Same as those that have been found in sick on a night out. Small joke then forgotten about.

[Mattcheese31]

I shat myself full on at my Aunt's wedding when I was younger, I regale friends and family with the tale when the moment suits lol