Time for a Fresh Start - Updated Page 3, Jan 2013

[Toms306]

I'm not so sure about roomshare tbh. I could end up in exactly the same situation like that. I won't completely discount the idea though.

[Dum-Dum]

Dude Ive not read all the replies as its a wall of text and itll hurt my eyes so im probably gonna repeat myself.

My best mate is alot like you, has IBS and probably a little OCD too (although nowhere near as bad as you) and yes he did get better when he moved out although he moved out with his sister who although dosent stress him out as much as his parents she still dosent help sometimes so you are thinking along the right lines.

You need to speak to your parents mate, it wont start getting better till you do.

I think you need to go back to the doctors and explain that this is preventing you from getting an actual job then if it really stops you from working go and try and sign up for disability benefits.

As for jobs I like Muttleys idea from you but think you might be good at something working from home if you can find one that isnt a scam. That or become one of these people who buys tat in bulk and sells it on ebay.




If you think positive youll do positive, think negative and youll do negative so remember these few things as they get me through the day sometimes and remind me of what im trying to achieve;
- Theres no point stressing about stuff you have no control over.
- If you feel like you have no mates just remember you are awesome and if nobody likes you anyway then you can be totally yourself and do exactly what you want and not have to worry about upsetting anyone as they already dislike you so theres worries.
- If you put your mind to it you CAN do anything no matter what other people tell you.
- People value honesty more than anything else.
- No pain no gain, pain is temporary, pride is forever.
- Never regret ANYTHING, you have good experiences and learning experiences, never bad experiences. If something bad happens but you learn something from it then can it really be classed as a bad experience.




As for your women troubles I reckon thats lack of confidence caused by your issues and also lack of actually meeting women. Im not gay but your not a bad looking lad, certainly not a fatty and when you open up you are genuinely a really funny bloke. Try talking to women, "hey have you got the time", "have you got a light", "im not local, is there any take aways round here that I wont get food poisoning at" works on the street, random shop birds you can get with "the weather is appauling/brilliant today" and stuff like that or even slightly creepy compliments on their appearance i like your nails/hair you have really pretty eyes/smile. Worst thats gonna happen is that someone you dont know and dont give a f*ck about is gonna tell you to f*ck off. Maybe even get on a dating site and look for someone else who describes themselves as shy.

TBH what trying to chat up women will probably do is make you realise that theyer all anoying or f*cking stupid and theres many obvious reasons why this woman standing in front of you is single and at that point youll consider turning gay.



Confidence is huge, sometimes youve gotta put on a front of confidence even while your shitting yourself like you were saying about serving kids with no ID, worst thats gonna happen is theyer gonna shout at you, maybe punch you if youve not pulled off looking confident too well. If kids come in with no ID the tell them to go away, its store policy etc, if they start being mouthy say your not serving anyone whos a lady garden iregardless of age. If they say theyer going to complain tell them theyll need to bring an adult in with them or say feel free, my names on my badge so you know who your complaining about. Ive stood nose to nose with people threatening to hurt me with fights i wouldnt win but because i can act like id win people back down and give up. Alot of it is sticking by your guns. Know that your right and dont let people try and persuade you otherwise


I take it i did tell you I like to call IBS ICS as it does make suffers right irritable lady gardens LOL




Hope that helps mate

[Tom]

Didnt read all the comments so i apologise if this sounds out of place.
The one bit that stood out to me was the step dad bit. Im in same-ish siuation. Im 19, living with mum and her husband (dont call that prick my step dad), i work part time, earn 40quid a week etc lol...
But anyway you shouldnt be afraid of either of them coming home to tell you off, dude your 20, tell them to stick there heads up there asses if they got a problem.. I might not say that to my mum but that fat lady garden that lives here aswell i definately would!
I dont really have much else to say, you gotta remember theres milions of people in this country alone and gon only knows how many are in the same boat. Your definately not alone. And hell you got a forum full of us here to take the piss help out etc
But all i can say is i hope you get sorted.

And i also think the thing about having your own glasses is awesome. Our dishwasher is shit and im forever washing glass's/digging out the clean ones and putting dirty ones back for another wash lol

[THE_Liam]

Right, first of all I won't comment on the mental health stuff. I have no experience of it besides some anger issues so I won't give advice.

The moving out thing I can comment on. First, you need a job, any job. Take the first thing you can find and use the wage to move out. I know you want a job that ticks your boxes but the only people who can be picky about work is those that have it. This may require a lot of manning up, but it's the only way.

Secondly, you need somewhere to live. Speak to your council and say mental health issues mean you need a council flat, it's worth a go. If not, look at studio flats somewhere with plenty of work, and sell your car. It's an expense you can't justify.

I'm not a touchy feely sensitive person so I'm sorry if that comes across a bit blunt, but I am genuinely concerned. If you've considered suicide then help is needed.

[lewisdmz]

TL;DR

I can offer one piece of advice which will reduce your anxiety/stress issues though - exercise.

Sounds simple but honestly it really is one of the best things you can do and you don't even need to be around other people to do it. Get a bike or just go for a run or even a long walk is better than nothing. I can't remember the exact science/neurochemistry behind it but just do a google search and you will be able to find it easy enough.

It will take your mind off the issues which are going round in your head and your body will produce endorphins which is your body's natural defence against stress. You will have more energy, sleep better at night and to top it all off you'll have less time to spend on here worry about your worrying.

Give it a go and let us know if it helps ! :-)

[Dum-Dum]

Just a thought, is there not a forum for OCD/IBS/anxiety suffers. That could help

you never know you might meet a nice girl on there.

[Dum-Dum]

Another thought have you considered setting up your own "business"

Either as a cleaner (do a couple of hours here and there at various old peoples gaffs), A dog walker or doing house/garden clearance (youll need a waste carriers licence for that though) or a handy man / odd job man / flat pack furniture assembler or all of the above.

Most of these are things where your attention to detail and liking to be left alone could be considered as skills / valuable attributes.

[Eeyore]

Another thought have you considered setting up your own "business"

Either as a cleaner (do a couple of hours here and there at various old peoples gaffs), A dog walker or doing house/garden clearance (youll need a waste carriers licence for that though) or a handy man / odd job man / flat pack furniture assembler or all of the above.

Most of these are things where your attention to detail and liking to be left alone could be considered as skills / valuable attributes.

ive got a mate in the gardening/landscape business. might be looking to put someone up in his house too. ive got you on fb so get back to me.

[306carter]

I have had IBS since I was 10. 3-4 times a week for 12 years I've been crippled with stomach cramps and left palming people out of the way of the toilet. I just take a paracetamol and an Imodium. It's hell at times but you've just to get it out and carry on. As someone said exercise helps with stress in turn helps IBS. I've started going on a half mile run at 5am when I'm up for work and I must admit its reduced the amount of times I get the pains and shits. So would defiantly recommend this.

When I was fist diagnosed with it the docs thought I was wheat intolerant like a few other family members. Same symptoms but its from wheat. Maybe with looking into online?.

But in all fairness I think you need to visit your GP ASAP and tell all. Everything is treatable and there are specialist people out there to help.

[Oil-burner]

Not really read all the posts Tom and I'm not going to offer advice on matters I don't have much experience in but IMO a job even a part time job will help with more than just money. Just to get you out of the situation for a few hours a day and keep your mind on other things.
Have you thought about doing courier work? You have the 'state so you've got the space.
I know yodel are looking for staff over the Xmas period and I heard its not too bad money either.
Just a thought bud.

[burnmw]

Just a thought, is there not a forum for OCD/IBS/anxiety suffers. That could help

you never know you might meet a nice girl on there.

There are a few but they aren't very good. And to be honest they tend to be full of very negative people, and you end up being dragged down by everyone else's problem. In this instance I don't think forums are all that good - trust me.

Tom - I will get around to answering your PM, sorry it's taken a while but I want/need to think carefully about what I say (if that makes sense?).

However, one thing I read that has always stuck with me is thus; all the way through your post you talk about fighting it etc etc. And where has that got you? Not very far in all honesty? So, stop fighting? And by that I don't mean give up, I simply mean stop fighting yourself because you won't win. You will spend a lot more energy trying to "beat" yourself when in reality you never will, and you end up spending more time doing that. If you "give in" and let the anxiety/panic wash over you, you will quickly discover that there is very little to be afraid of.

An anxiety/panic attack is simply a build up of adrenaline, and (if allowed to follow its natural course) will last only 20minutes or so, but by fighting it it will last much longer.

So, like I say, stop fighting it, let it wash over you and it will disappear as quickly as it came. This isn't easy, and is completely the opposite of what your body/brain is screaming at you but once you master it it becomes an invaluable tool.


Finally, I don't think CBT will work for you, simply because I don't think it's a very effective treatment for anxiety. Having said that, it is free to do it, so do it. You have nothing to lose, even if it does take several months on the waiting list before you get seen.

Have you done much research online in to how to overcome/control anxiety/OCD/IBS?

[Niall]

Just a thought, is there not a forum for OCD/IBS/anxiety suffers. That could help

you never know you might meet a nice girl on there.

There are a few but they aren't very good. And to be honest they tend to be full of very negative people, and you end up being dragged down by everyone else's problem. In this instance I don't think forums are all that good - trust me.

good point. them sort of forums are usually full of people with the same issue and no one to help. at least on here, you can get a fresh view of it all from someone on "the outside" if you get me.

[Toms306]

Didnt read all the comments so i apologise if this sounds out of place.
The one bit that stood out to me was the step dad bit. Im in same-ish siuation. Im 19, living with mum and her husband (dont call that prick my step dad), i work part time, earn 40quid a week etc lol...
But anyway you shouldnt be afraid of either of them coming home to tell you off, dude your 20, tell them to stick there heads up there asses if they got a problem.. I might not say that to my mum but that fat lady garden that lives here aswell i definately would!
I dont really have much else to say, you gotta remember theres milions of people in this country alone and gon only knows how many are in the same boat. Your definately not alone. And hell you got a forum full of us here to take the piss help out etc
But all i can say is i hope you get sorted.

And i also think the thing about having your own glasses is awesome. Our dishwasher is shit and im forever washing glass's/digging out the clean ones and putting dirty ones back for another wash lol

The problem with that is I can't really stand up for myself can I - I pay nothing towards the bills so they have a point.

Plus my step dad (well theyre not married so I guess its my mums boyfriend still lol) isn't really any of my buisness, if my Mum likes him and wants to keep a Northerner down here thats entirely up to her. My Dads kept most of the Ipswich African community in Visa's now so I'm not sure which is worse tbh lol.

Lol we don't have a dishwasher, they're for rich people. I'd keep my own plates and cuttlery if we had the space though - genuinely don't know how they manage to get more food on the f*cking 'clean' stuff than the dirty stuff!

Right, first of all I won't comment on the mental health stuff. I have no experience of it besides some anger issues so I won't give advice.

The moving out thing I can comment on. First, you need a job, any job. Take the first thing you can find and use the wage to move out. I know you want a job that ticks your boxes but the only people who can be picky about work is those that have it. This may require a lot of manning up, but it's the only way.

Secondly, you need somewhere to live. Speak to your council and say mental health issues mean you need a council flat, it's worth a go. If not, look at studio flats somewhere with plenty of work, and sell your car. It's an expense you can't justify.

I'm not a touchy feely sensitive person so I'm sorry if that comes across a bit blunt, but I am genuinely concerned. If you've considered suicide then help is needed.

Don't worry about being blunt, you've really gotta be trying hard to offend me lol.

With getting the first job, that completely wouldn't work atm - 'manning up' isn't actually a solution, if I could've just manned up I woulda done by now. I do appreciate if you can't necessarily understand that though.

Selling the car would happen if I moved close enough to a town to not need it any longer, I'd already thought of that. Until I could get enough money sorted to go petrol anyway. But then saying that, if I've got no car to spend on I've completely lost all incentive for earning the money, thats a tricky one actually.

Another thought have you considered setting up your own "business"

Either as a cleaner (do a couple of hours here and there at various old peoples gaffs), A dog walker or doing house/garden clearance (youll need a waste carriers licence for that though) or a handy man / odd job man / flat pack furniture assembler or all of the above.

Most of these are things where your attention to detail and liking to be left alone could be considered as skills / valuable attributes.

I tried when I had the trailer, advertised flyers up all round the local villages (theres about 8 villages round here) for gardening, car/window cleaning etc. I can't do general cleaning, too squeamish for that - I gag just cleaning the soap scum off the kitchen sink...and cleaning the bog is done with extremely thick gloves and the brush at arms length...holding my breath. And whatever that rank banana/baby food stuff was in the Avensis - yeah I couldn't even go near it, just taped up the cubby hole where it was and left it lol. I realise how daft it seems as I can mess about with cars all day getting covered in diesel/oil/shit etc and not bothered - until I get home, and straight in the shower with a scouring pad lol.

But anyway, do you know how many calls I got for the services I'd advertised? One - And even that one I couldn't answer the phone, had to let it go to voicemail, and didn't have the confidence to ring her back either.

I do gardening jobs for a few old ladies who my nan knows and also a few dog duties - but anything I'd have to do myself through phones I just haven't got the confidence to do it.

I have had IBS since I was 10. 3-4 times a week for 12 years I've been crippled with stomach cramps and left palming people out of the way of the toilet. I just take a paracetamol and an Imodium. It's hell at times but you've just to get it out and carry on. As someone said exercise helps with stress in turn helps IBS. I've started going on a half mile run at 5am when I'm up for work and I must admit its reduced the amount of times I get the pains and shits. So would defiantly recommend this.

When I was fist diagnosed with it the docs thought I was wheat intolerant like a few other family members. Same symptoms but its from wheat. Maybe with looking into online?.

But in all fairness I think you need to visit your GP ASAP and tell all. Everything is treatable and there are specialist people out there to help.

Dont think I'll be going for a run at 5am lol. I would walk every day though if we still had the dog. People look at you like you're a peado if you just walk round for no reason though - theres nothing down here so the only reasons for walking are the dog or the pub lol. But also I don't want to bump into anyone I knew from school round here.

I had thought about wheat intolerance or similar. I kept a food diary but couldn't work anything out from it as you can't really tell whats food related or stress related. I do have a massive problem with food though, basically because things like onions/garlic/mustard/pepper badly affect me - but you try buying anything in a packet from the shop without any of those ingredients in! So I'm having to eat things that I know could be dodgy. The other thing thats bad for it is grease, can't eat any fried stuff or chip shop chips because it will literally be coming out before I've finished the meal.

And I can't cook well at all - plus the OCD implications of proper cooking are ridiculous - things most of you wont think about - the germs on food packets, the germs on cupboard/drawer handles, the germs on oven/toaster knobs. I know its ridiculous, but even something as simple as making toast, I have to open the butter, the bread and the cupboard/drawer that I'll need. Then wash my hands (several times), and dry them on kitchen roll as a towel could be dirty, then put the bread in the toaster making sure not to actually touch anything except the bread, close cupboards etc with elbows, removed toast and butter it then put everything else away with the left hand - keeping the right hand 'clean' to eat the toast with. Then I've gotta go through all that shit again when I want something else to eat.

So I'm almost scared to eat anything now - I know so many things ruin my guts, if its not food its stress, and its got to the point now where I can't be arsed with it and ofetn skip meals. I wont have any lunch if I'm out or gotta go out in the afternoon.

---

Not really read all the posts Tom and I'm not going to offer advice on matters I don't have much experience in but IMO a job even a part time job will help with more than just money. Just to get you out of the situation for a few hours a day and keep your mind on other things.
Have you thought about doing courier work? You have the 'state so you've got the space.
I know yodel are looking for staff over the Xmas period and I heard its not too bad money either.
Just a thought bud.

Yeah I have thought about that, or a delivery driver for Jayar/ECP/GSF. But the problem is they are still miles away, the depot's are over 15 miles from home - due to the peninsula where I live, I have to go to Ipswich before going anywhere else, and I'd then be sent further in the 'wrong' direction most of the time. And the courier companies all have couriers round here already, I know then all now with selling so many parts on ebay lol. Plus I've put in CVs for ECP when I see their notice up and get nothing back at all.

Just a thought, is there not a forum for OCD/IBS/anxiety suffers. That could help

you never know you might meet a nice girl on there.

There are a few but they aren't very good. And to be honest they tend to be full of very negative people, and you end up being dragged down by everyone else's problem. In this instance I don't think forums are all that good - trust me.

Tom - I will get around to answering your PM, sorry it's taken a while but I want/need to think carefully about what I say (if that makes sense?).

However, one thing I read that has always stuck with me is thus; all the way through your post you talk about fighting it etc etc. And where has that got you? Not very far in all honesty? So, stop fighting? And by that I don't mean give up, I simply mean stop fighting yourself because you won't win. You will spend a lot more energy trying to "beat" yourself when in reality you never will, and you end up spending more time doing that. If you "give in" and let the anxiety/panic wash over you, you will quickly discover that there is very little to be afraid of.

An anxiety/panic attack is simply a build up of adrenaline, and (if allowed to follow its natural course) will last only 20minutes or so, but by fighting it it will last much longer.

So, like I say, stop fighting it, let it wash over you and it will disappear as quickly as it came. This isn't easy, and is completely the opposite of what your body/brain is screaming at you but once you master it it becomes an invaluable tool.


Finally, I don't think CBT will work for you, simply because I don't think it's a very effective treatment for anxiety. Having said that, it is free to do it, so do it. You have nothing to lose, even if it does take several months on the waiting list before you get seen.

Have you done much research online in to how to overcome/control anxiety/OCD/IBS?

Tbh I hadn't thought about just letting a panic attack go tbh, maybe I'll try it next time, I'm not sure its even possible though?? Its just like it uncontrollably takes over. I have done plenty of research into it over the last few years, and have found a few small tips (mainly breathing!) to help with things but nothing substantial enough to make much difference. They all have the same answers of reducing stress - but that in itself isn't easy!

In all honesty Martin I don't think the CBT will change anything - I can't talk about this stuff in real life anyway, so why would I be able to say it to a complete stranger? I can type it all out but I'd never speak about it outside of the forum, even to the same people. But that said I don't know what else I can try and I'm getting fairly desperate now, clutching at straws I guess.

Just a thought, is there not a forum for OCD/IBS/anxiety suffers. That could help

you never know you might meet a nice girl on there.

There are a few but they aren't very good. And to be honest they tend to be full of very negative people, and you end up being dragged down by everyone else's problem. In this instance I don't think forums are all that good - trust me.

good point. them sort of forums are usually full of people with the same issue and no one to help. at least on here, you can get a fresh view of it all from someone on "the outside" if you get me.

Totally agree, I tried 'nomorepanic' forum last year and felt worse, its full of depressive people who are all in the same boat, and although it's good for seeing other people do/have the same things it's not good for solutions imo.

[306carter]

Kill 2 birds with one stone. Charge to walk other people's dogs. You have a job and you get some exercise. Plus you'll have a poop scoop and bags so if the IBS kicks in your sorted.

[n0v0s]

From a medical point of view, i want to make it clear that there is no definition of normal. people vary vastly and quite a few people have traits of anxiety and ocds etc. it's when it starts to take over your life that it becomes a problem, which it clearly is and so you need to try get to the bottom of the physiological issues.. you need to address your ocd/anxiety problems firstly.

Now, cbt is what will be recommended to you. However, thanks to budget cuts and depending on your trust.. The waiting times for sessions will vary, upto several months. So I strongly recommend you visit your Gp and get things rolling. Cbt can be absolutely amazing and help greatly or it will not work at all. But until you commit and give it a dam good try, you won't know. It's not just about talking to someone. It's also about changing learned behaviours and negative thought processes. A lot of the onus is obviously on you, you have to put the techniques into use. If you won't go to the gp or cbt then I need to ask why?

Again, the anxiety appears to be stemming from a multitude of issues. Confidence, the ibs, money worries and generally due to the complex disorders you're having to live with. You also strike me as a very anxious individual. Medication can help but I wouldn't recommend it. The cbt is well worth a try however, and if all else fails then medication is an option.

The ibs is strongly linked to anxiety, as well as certain foods etc. try eating lots of fibre (brown bread etc). You need to try control it, try bulk up your faeces to allow it to be more controllable. I don't think it is wise to try get a job just yet. The complex nature of your problems would only complicate your routine and from the sound of it, would only end in you quitting. Which would reinforce negative thoughts again. Not what you want.

If you have any thoughts of wanting to harm yourself, there are anonymous helplines available to your 24/7 .. Someone to talk to. I acknowledge it was only a thought but nevertheless be aware there are people if you ever go back to that place. You also seem to be showing signs of mild depression. I don't like to categorise, but you certainly tick some criteria. As mention, the gp should honestly be your first port of call. They have the means to advise you best and help you. If you really wish to begin to help yourself, talk to your gp. I think talking on the forum was a great idea. But it's limited. Your not going to get much medical help from here. Advice about your other issues, yeah. But that is only really masking your issues.

Have you anybody you can talk to? To help you get used to talking about your problems? You may not want to, but it may make you feel better to share your worries. I also think you should try talk to your family at home. Explain some of your thoughts about the loo situation etc. just how are they supposed to know if you don't explicitly say? Some people are very oblivious.. So even though it looks obvious to you, and you think they should 'know' .. They may not. And probably don't even realise how much of an inconvenience they are being to you.

Also, if it has really gotten this bad, then you need to probably break out of your comfort zone... I.e talking about it to gp, family etc in order to improve your life. As it is easy to make counter arguments and excuses in order to not have to break comfort levels.. But it won't really get you out of this almost endless cycle. Hope this has been of some use to you.

In summary, I'm from a medical background and am strongly recommending you visit your gp. There is hope. It will not be easy and there is no magic cure, but there is hope and more chance than not of improving. And that is what you need to realise.

[Toms306]

From a medical point of view, i want to make it clear that there is no definition of normal. people vary vastly and quite a few people have traits of anxiety and ocds etc. it's when it starts to take over your life that it becomes a problem, which it clearly is and so you need to try get to the bottom of the physiological issues.. you need to address your ocd/anxiety problems firstly.

Now, cbt is what will be recommended to you. However, thanks to budget cuts and depending on your trust.. The waiting times for sessions will vary, upto several months. So I strongly recommend you visit your Gp and get things rolling. Cbt can be absolutely amazing and help greatly or it will not work at all. But until you commit and give it a dam good try, you won't know. It's not just about talking to someone. It's also about changing learned behaviours and negative thought processes. A lot of the onus is obviously on you, you have to put the techniques into use. If you won't go to the gp or cbt then I need to ask why?

Again, the anxiety appears to be stemming from a multitude of issues. Confidence, the ibs, money worries and generally due to the complex disorders you're having to live with. You also strike me as a very anxious individual. Medication can help but I wouldn't recommend it. The cbt is well worth a try however, and if all else fails then medication is an option.

The ibs is strongly linked to anxiety, as well as certain foods etc. try eating lots of fibre (brown bread etc). You need to try control it, try bulk up your faeces to allow it to be more controllable. I don't think it is wise to try get a job just yet. The complex nature of your problems would only complicate your routine and from the sound of it, would only end in you quitting. Which would reinforce negative thoughts again. Not what you want.

If you have any thoughts of wanting to harm yourself, there are anonymous helplines available to your 24/7 .. Someone to talk to. I acknowledge it was only a thought but nevertheless be aware there are people if you ever go back to that place. You also seem to be showing signs of mild depression. I don't like to categorise, but you certainly tick some criteria. As mention, the gp should honestly be your first port of call. They have the means to advise you best and help you. If you really wish to begin to help yourself, talk to your gp. I think talking on the forum was a great idea. But it's limited. Your not going to get much medical help from here. Advice about your other issues, yeah. But that is only really masking your issues.

Have you anybody you can talk to? To help you get used to talking about your problems? You may not want to, but it may make you feel better to share your worries. I also think you should try talk to your family at home. Explain some of your thoughts about the loo situation etc. just how are they supposed to know if you don't explicitly say? Some people are very oblivious.. So even though it looks obvious to you, and you think they should 'know' .. They may not. And probably don't even realise how much of an inconvenience they are being to you.

Also, if it has really gotten this bad, then you need to probably break out of your comfort zone... I.e talking about it to gp, family etc in order to improve your life. As it is easy to make counter arguments and excuses in order to not have to break comfort levels.. But it won't really get you out of this almost endless cycle. Hope this has been of some use to you.

In summary, I'm from a medical background and am strongly recommending you visit your gp. There is hope. It will not be easy and there is no magic cure, but there is hope and more chance than not of improving. And that is what you need to realise.

I have been to visit the doctors 3 times now - and I absolutely hate anything medical! First time was completely crap, got nowhere cos the Dr didnt listen, just kept going on about my weight (or the lack of it)...but somehow he couldn't understand that clearing out several times a day will reduce my weight. I've fattened up a bit to 55kg (Just under 9stone) now, since I finished college I don't get the anxiety shits every morning now, just mornings when I'm going out or got something stressful planned. Which is probably about 4 or 5 days a week now. But what I can't understand is when I don't clear out like that and everythings a bit more solid I still have to go 4/5/6 times a day at least! It's like more comes out than I put in!!

Anyway, after several months I did go back and see another doc, he was more helpful, and put me on some antidepressants - but I couldn't swallow them.

Went back a few weeks after and told the next doc (a lady this time) that i couldn't swallow them and the probs I was having with no job etc. She put me down for the CBT, I went through a phone interview amd then got a letter saying that it was likely to be several months away.

As I mentioned earlier on I don't really have anyone to talk to, I go for days not actually speaking to anyone at all let alone about this kinda stuff. The 'rents do kinda know the situation, they know I need the loo quite a lot (but cant understand the urgency as they can hold in a shit all day!). I've even asked that certain times (Sunday mornings in particular, I have to be out early) that they keep the bathroom vacant as much as possible until I've left - but nope they'll go in there for hours having baths or playing games on the phone on the bog, it seems to me like they do it on purpose but I will assume they don't, as if I go in there when they need to get ready to go out theres hell to pay. Again with the OCD, they know its there, they comstantly take the piss about it, I can put up with some banter but it does boring when its the same 'joke'. They also know I prefer them to be out so i can get stuff done - but again this doesn't go down well. Usually get answers of 'Oh so Im not allowed in my own kitchen that I pay all the bills for' etc...which I really dont have a comeback for, as its true!

I'm not even sure where my comfort zone is anymore, everything I do seems to be out of the comfort zone, even simple things like driving or shopping in the supermarket are really raising anxiety levels lately. Even going to bed you'd think would be relaxing, but it isn't, I just keep thinking/worrying about stuff all night and not really sleeping.

[Niall]

Tom sounds like your mum and the northerner really are not helping the situation. i do think you need to sit down with them and tell them whats going on. If they still dont take it seriously or just take the piss, then they are tossers!

[ozonehostile]

I dont really have any input of my own, but it is really nice to see a community of people who care so much about one of their members. your in good hands here buddy, things will work out, they always do

[C2K]

Some of us Northerners are alright. Better than you Southern fairies anyway.

[Toms306]

Tom sounds like your mum and the northerner really are not helping the situation. i do think you need to sit down with them and tell them whats going on. If they still dont take it seriously or just take the piss, then they are tossers!

It's not thier fault they don't understand stuff lol. But also I'm really not good at saying stuff. Someone did suggest writing a letter to my mum to explain better though, I'm thinking that might be a better idea than trying to talk about stuff.

I dont really have any input of my own, but it is really nice to see a community of people who care so much about one of their members. your in good hands here buddy, things will work out, they always do

This forum does have an awesome community tbh. . Epic banter but also serious helpfulness when necessary. I've met quite a few of the regulars from here now and not met any that are bellends....the same can't be said for a certain other forum I'm on lol.

[THE_Liam]

Some of us Northerners are alright. Better than you Southern fairies anyway.

I was just thinking that, seems all this is being blamed on a northerner...

[Toms306]

Some of us Northerners are alright. Better than you Southern fairies anyway.

I was just thinking that, seems all this is being blamed on a northerner...

It's not because he's a northerner though. He just happens to be northern lol. My dads a southerner and he's a twat as well......

[kentiiboii]

Tom I seriously think your best bet it to leave this page on the laptop and hope your mother finds it! Then let her take it in then talk to your.
Better yet as said a letter is great because then she knows your serious.

As I said I can't say much about the mental problems. But I really don't think moving out will help. If anything make it worse as the stress of paying bills and things will overtake.

You need to seriously talk to your mum and get her to take you to doctors. Tell her everything even the suicide.


Really hope you get the right help you need Tom as its not nice seeing you like this.

As dum said your not a bad looking lad. You just need a tiny bit of confidence to talk to some ladys . Then you'll realise a golf isn't all that! But you'll so wish you just had a golf! Even the hdi would feel better :p.

[Toms306]

Gonna be difficult as I don't have a laptop lol. But no I couldn't let her read this thread.

I want to .write a letter though but everytime I try it just sounds ridiculous. I guess I don't want to make stuff any more awkward, and I don't like bothering people and being a nuisance.

I'm definitely not going with my mum to the docs, its embarrasing enough without her making things worse! She dragged me to the dentist last year and told everybody there how pathetic and stupid I was, I dunno if she thinks that's gonna help anything, but it doesn't, she's part of the bloody reason I haven't been back since. And as for contemplating suicide, its nothing new, even back in year 9 I was thinking about it, especially when we went to an awful wedding where my issues were just getting bad and I didn't know what was wrong with me at the time. It was near beachy head as well, anyway I said about it then and got told to 'grow up and stop being daft', I guess she thought I'd grow out of.it, as did I. This is starting to make my mum look bad though, and apart from being a complete control freak she's not that bad, just can't understand things or listen properly.

Honestly, ladies are the least of my issues right now, I've never had a girlfriend and you can't miss something you've never had lol.

[Stephen]

Also glad to see everyone coming together to try and help you mate! Good to see the forum is such a community. Looking forward to meeting you all and coming to more meets when I'm back from my travels.

Just remember things could always be worse!

Just try and keep positive mate! Keep your chin up and things will get better. There's a lot of good advice in this thread!

[Niall]

I've met quite a few of the regulars from here now and not met any that are bellends....

Well you've met me so there's at least one!

Tom, write your letter, post it up here and then if anyone thinks there's bits in it that need changing, they can tell you.

[kentiiboii]

I've met quite a few of the regulars from here now and not met any that are bellends....

Well you've met me so there's at least one!

Tom, write your letter, post it up here and then if anyone thinks there's bits in it that need changing, they can tell you.

Good suggestion Niall

[Toms306]

Thats not a bad idea actually Niall!

[C.A.R.]

Someone phone Tom's mum then.

As for none of us being bellends you've met me on 2 separate occasions so that's not true!

[Jonny b]

Yep car is defo a bellend lol